Internet suicide chat room killer held
The Register had a morbidly interesting news story about a woman who arranged her own murder via a “suicide chat room.”
While not nearly as sensational as the poor schmuck who arranged his own murder AND cannibalising, it’s still pretty disturbing.
Get on antidepressants, people. Or take up chess or something. This stuff is not healthy.
February 3rd, 2004 at 9:42 am
anna,
i think that u are utterly irrisponsilbe if you give these ppl the list. if they want to die then surely they have thought about it enough to know its the right decision for them and cum up of a way to do it.
u dont need to get involved.
i dont think that suicide is the answer. suicidal ppl shud ask themselves if its whether they want to die or they want the pain 2 stop. if its the latter there are other ways to help it go away, try them b4 suicide.
take care peeps
February 3rd, 2004 at 9:42 am
anna,
i think that u are utterly irrisponsilbe if you give these ppl the list. if they want to die then surely they have thought about it enough to know its the right decision for them and cum up of a way to do it.
u dont need to get involved.
i dont think that suicide is the answer. suicidal ppl shud ask themselves if its whether they want to die or they want the pain 2 stop. if its the latter there are other ways to help it go away, try them b4 suicide.
take care peeps
February 3rd, 2004 at 9:47 am
laura dont do it, there are other ways to cope with ur emotions, uv been thru alot and need support frm a proffessional who can help u and wont judge u at all.
talkin can help so much and can help u understand ur feelings which will help u get thru this bad patch.
good luck sweetie
xx
February 3rd, 2004 at 9:57 am
Actually i have read anna’s list and it is about suicide but there are about 20 pages before that which really makes you think
don’t judge what you havn’t read it makes sense and right now i don’t want to commit suicide cos the stuff made me see how difficult and hurtful it can be
well done anna
February 3rd, 2004 at 10:36 am
fank u 4 helping! maybe proffesional help wud be the next step. i do have a future and i know that so i’m gonna seriously think before taking drastic steps the wrong way. i know what i want out of life and i’ve got an idea i’m gonna get it. il stay strong n try n get thru it..
thank-u xxx
February 3rd, 2004 at 10:54 am
a song that helps me 2 get through the bad times..christina aguilera // the voice within..
young girl dont cry il be right here when ur world starts 2 fall,young girl its alright ur tears will dry ul soon b free 2 fly.wen ur safe inside ur room u tend 2 dream of a place where nothings harder than it seems,no1 eva wants 2 bother 2 xplain of the heartache life can bring & wot it means.wen theres no1 else look inside urself,like ur oldest friend jus trust the voice within then ul find the strength that wil guide ur way,ul learn 2 begin 2 trust the voice within.young girl dont hide ul neva change if u just run away,young girl just hold tight soon ur gonna c ur brighter day.now in a world where innocence is quickly claimed its so hard 2 stand ur ground wen ur so afraid no1 reaches out a hand 4 u 2 hold wen u look outside look inside 2 ur soul.life is a journey it can take u anywhere u choose 2 go,as long as ur learning ul find u need 2 no,be strong,dnt break it,hold on,ul make it jus dont forsake it cuz no1 can tel u wot u cant do no1 can stop u u no that im tlkn 2 u.
i hope it helps other people 2..
xXx
February 3rd, 2004 at 10:59 am
suicide is it the way to die never know tell you try
February 3rd, 2004 at 11:04 am
my name is hill side suicide and i like to get high so fuck the world cuz some day well all die
February 3rd, 2004 at 11:07 am
i hate my self
February 3rd, 2004 at 11:07 am
i hate my self
February 3rd, 2004 at 8:25 pm
im bored.its half 2 in the mornin, i dnt sleep at nite any more, i got 2 bed bout 10 in the mornin n wake up bout 10 at nite,i dnt sleep very well but im never quite awake either,sumtimes i go days without sleepin,i heard u can die from lack of sleep!i hate my self 2,no1 wants 2 be with me nemore,i get so lonely on my own, but im used 2 it now.im sure u all feel the same,the only people i talk 2 r u guys that add me 2 ur msn,bit sad really.im sure there’s sum1 out there that wud love me,im 19,apparently im good lookin but i dont think so,i dunno what im gonna do with myself,i wanna commit suicide but i havnt got the guts….idiot!
February 3rd, 2004 at 9:12 pm
Man i really wish people would stop talkin about god, who the fuck is god but some dumb invention by some dumb human beings
February 4th, 2004 at 12:41 am
to laura
it made me smile the fact that u listened to my advice,
professional help can give u so much support and understanding, it wont be easy but u will get there, u have ur age on ur side!
keep ur head high ok?
take care y’all
xxx
February 4th, 2004 at 12:45 am
As most of you can tell, this post is getting pretty incredibly large. In order to better facilitate this discussion, I’ve set up a discussion board at http://www.lurid.org/phpBB2
The account creation process is remarkably simple. I don’t even have email verification activated yet. Just pick your screen name and start posting.
I’d like everyone to register, especially those users who are active participants on the the various threads about suicide and suicide chat. Movabletype’s system of single-threading responses is good for general blogging, but gets rather cumbersome when you have 1,000+ responses on a single topic. The discussion board will dramatically improve load times. No more waiting for 1,000 responses to download before you can add your comments.
Please get registered and begin moving your discussions to the appropriate forum.
Again, the address is http://www.lurid.org/phpBB2
Thanks.
Christopher
February 4th, 2004 at 5:27 am
well i registerd and no one be me adn three other people have
February 4th, 2004 at 11:57 am
hey again just thought id say a quick world to all another bad day but oh well, i’ll get over it at sum point i guess
got too go am not really in the mood to write esays
byebye xx
February 7th, 2004 at 1:25 pm
i jus feel so, piontles, i think dats da rite word, i jus feel like am a magnet 4 trouble, am 13 an oready think its time i did da rite thing an died. i jus dnt want to pretend anmur, that im like they gurlies i hang around wit, like i only care about lads an mk-up an cloths, i wanted a reality cheak 2 hit us all, an mk them realise that theres mur to life. but then i realised thta tjheres no piont, who im i to tell ppl to look out of there tunnel vision, as i am the 1 hu wants 2 die, and duznt even c the piont in trying. i cud babble allday about how badly i have messed things up, but dnt fink ya wanna her, so bixxx
February 8th, 2004 at 6:24 pm
I’m thinking of commiting suicide, is that bad?
February 9th, 2004 at 7:14 am
Thinking about commiting suicide is not bad, it depends on your reasons, and whether you REALLY want to do something that drastic.
Whoever it was that did not post their name, (feb 7 01.25pm)
Please get in touch with me. My e-mail address is jock0810@hotmail.com
I would really like to talk to you. Please e-mail me.
February 9th, 2004 at 9:56 am
cheer up! :-))))))
u only av 1 life mite as well njoy
February 9th, 2004 at 11:15 am
Hey, people i have just sow this sit how r ya all,
February 10th, 2004 at 12:22 pm
hey people i dont rilly know what to say but i just thought id leave a message and if anyone wants to mail me then cool beans
peace and melons to you all
butnugget2@hotmail.com
February 11th, 2004 at 5:56 am
Holloway is a child trying to get attention so fuck off out of it wanker and leave this to people who need help.
Your games need to be done in skool child.
February 11th, 2004 at 7:31 am
will u shut up has any1 heard from rich lad lately?
February 11th, 2004 at 8:05 am
Holloway is a child trying to get attention so fuck off out of it wanker and leave this to people who need help.
Your games need to be done in skool child.
Posted by: at February 11, 2004 05:56 AM
February 11th, 2004 at 9:21 am
does any one know of any one on on suicide chat rooms? message boards get me no where…thanx for any help xx
February 11th, 2004 at 3:32 pm
I find it so tough. So many failures in my life justa complete fuck up of life. I don’t think I can go on a lot longer. Nothing to go on for no hope for the future.
February 13th, 2004 at 12:30 pm
[Inappropriate content removed by site admin.]
February 14th, 2004 at 1:39 am
i really need some help. all i can think of is ending it. someone please tell me its not the only way out of feeling like this
February 14th, 2004 at 1:39 am
i really need some help. all i can think of is ending it. someone please tell me its not the only way out of feeling like this
February 14th, 2004 at 3:00 pm
Im going to kill myself tomarrow night.
February 14th, 2004 at 3:05 pm
I feel so bad right not. anyone from Ireland what to kill me i live at Tankardstown, Ratoath, Co. Meath. My number is 087 6405640.
February 14th, 2004 at 3:08 pm
Ring me and leave a message on my voice mail.
February 14th, 2004 at 8:43 pm
rich the lad told me he was ending it today, well at 12:56 anyway.
hes in a bad way and i dont no wot to do.
i feel so helpless
i hate fucking valentines day.
i dont hav the guts to go through with it yet and i cant get hold of wot i need.
this is the worst i hav felt in years, and then i almost succeeded. sum1 walked wen they werent meant to.
i eed to escape ive had enough. (im crying as i write this, i dontsee the point tho as there is no hope, but i cant stop)
i need relief i need out.
rich im sorry u felt this way. but i hope that ur at peace if u succeed. u were good to tlk to.
dont no y im writing that he may neva see it.
anyway im guna see wot i can find in my house, im going to hopefully get over my fear tonite.
its that bad i cant cope.
thanks to any of u i hav spoken to.
if i dont succeed i will come on and say.
February 14th, 2004 at 8:46 pm
goodbye xxx
February 15th, 2004 at 8:08 am
Why the hell is the chatroom always empty???????????????
February 15th, 2004 at 1:00 pm
I feel really alone, i have friends, but i dont talk to them about how im feeling because i think they would wonder if i was doing it for attension, I wish i was just hit by a bus or something, when i do it, i will jump from the high place that i know, and hopefully, it’ll kill me before i can change my mind. i cant tell my family, because they would just think i was weird. My boyfriend is on anti depresants, he thinks im fine, but he’s seen my wrists. I just cant be bothered with anything, i just want to die, but it would ruin everything for my family. I dont know what to do. Someone tell me what to do to stop feeling like this. Olivia. 14
February 16th, 2004 at 1:56 pm
i failed now im a complete fcuking state. im diced up and hav to start going to fcuking shrink now again!!! my sister came home, which i forgot about and found me in the bath, my dad called an ambulance and started yelling how disgraceful and selfious i was. now im even lower.
im watched 24/7 now and i hav no time to smoke so im going crazy there is no relief, i wud risk anything to get out now.
my arms are bandaged and this is taking so much effort. i cant walk yet i did the bac of my legs, sorry if this is disturbing i just wanted to tell how desperate i am now. its seriously bad.
im more pissed off with myself than anything for not waiting fopr my plan.
February 16th, 2004 at 2:55 pm
its ok you shut the chat rooms but u didnt put none on for some one who is feeling suicidal an now has no one to chat live to mad !
February 16th, 2004 at 3:01 pm
i have looked everywhere on the site to get help as i feel so low but have children to think of also but no site no help i am screaming inside i cant cope no more please help me
February 16th, 2004 at 3:25 pm
Thanks alot my brother alan quigley is dead he killed himself last night. he was on this fuckin chat room. thats what killed him. he was talking to you ass holes. mark my words im going to have this sick site closed down. no one in this fucking chat room would help him, and no one tried to talk him out out it and my brother is dead now. and im geeting married in to days. thanks alot you sick people i hope u all fuckin kill yourselfs u are all goan in the head.
February 16th, 2004 at 3:30 pm
he is getting burried on my wedding day. thanks alot u losers go on kill yourselfs no one cares about u just do it
February 16th, 2004 at 3:37 pm
Hi Richard.
I’m the site admin here.
While I’m sorry to hear that your brother took his own life, please don’t threaten to have this site shut down. The internet is an open forum for freedom of expression. What your brother did was his decision and his alone. The people who visit this site are under no obligation to help anyone. This is an open forum and people participate of their own free will.
If you’d like to discuss this further, you can reach me at chris@lurid.org.
Otherwise, please keep your idle threats to yourself.
Thanks.
–Christopher
February 16th, 2004 at 8:08 pm
chistopher you are crazy very smart
February 16th, 2004 at 8:08 pm
chistopher you are crazy very smart
February 16th, 2004 at 9:36 pm
please dont shut this down it helps it really does but when you have your mind set on something like death there is sometimes no other option to follow it through i am sorry to all those left behind
February 17th, 2004 at 12:25 am
I’m not shutting the site down.
You guys have nothing to worry about.
–Christopher
February 18th, 2004 at 8:34 pm
Lol Richard your a fucking idiot and need to learn how to spell. Obviously if your brother killed himself, which he prob did not. If you even have a brother, it was because of you for neglecting him. Not people he doesnt even know. Take your lame flames elsewhere. And if anyone is intrested in live chat for depression, I have a nice depression poetry submission website with a live chatroom at http://free.hostdepartment.com/d/darkpoetry/
February 18th, 2004 at 8:43 pm
LIVE DEPRESSION/SUICIDAL CHATROOM LOCATED AT http://free.hostdepartment.com/d/darkpoetry/
WE HAVE ACTUAL SCHEDULED CHAT MEETINGS. SO BE SURE TO NOT MISS THEM
February 19th, 2004 at 10:15 am
Charge of the godess
When i have departed from this world whenever ye have need of anything. Once in a month, and when the moon is full, ya shall assemble in some desert place, or in a forest all together join to adore the potent spirit of your queen, my mother, great Diana. She who fain would learn all sorcery yet has not won its deepest secrets them my mother teach her,in truth all things as yet unknown and ye shall be free in averything and as the sign that ye are truly free,.
February 22nd, 2004 at 3:54 pm
hello.i tryed 2 kill myself last week but i got cought,now i dont know what to do.
im so fed up with life.
February 22nd, 2004 at 4:11 pm
will 50 serequal kill me?
February 22nd, 2004 at 6:40 pm
is it bad to dream of death, well my own?
thats all i dream of now, i hate failing, why me why cant i just get a simple thing like my own death right!!!! im f*cking useless and i hate it.
i went out today by myself im not really meant to but i had to my dads gone total crazy since my last try. he hates me for sure now. i disappeared and the bruises are already showing how the hell do i cover them for 6th form, this is complete shite..
everything goeswrong at once for me, ive completely had enough.
im past help, i just need to let it out tho.
February 23rd, 2004 at 1:45 pm
I’ve tried to many times to take suicide.. But why don’t do it fast and quikly, it doesn’t have to hurt so much.. I hate my life, I hate my “father”, everything in my life is a mess.. It has been that since day one of my life.. I’m 15 years old no, and I feel that I gott nothing more to do in life, becouse everything ends bad no mather what.. My life doesn’t meen so much, but it is so hard just trying to take suicide… My english isn’t so good, I come from Norway and trying to just explaining things in the easyest way for me..
February 23rd, 2004 at 4:45 pm
siri
i know how you feel thinkin youv got nuthin to do in life, iv got nuthin to get up for iv never got any plans, no1 to met up with or nethin, i get really lonely, n i cant do nethin about it. when i get upset i get really drunk n go out on my own for a walk, i usually punch walls n stuff to relieve the pain my knuckles r covered in scars now, so r my wrists. but i dont care how i look coz i got no1 2 look good for.xx
February 23rd, 2004 at 7:16 pm
im so numb, i feel asif i cant breathe, and im so cold i cant feel my hands. ive had enough. all i do is protect people from harm which means i get hurt instead, im bruised again. but i dont care this time. im past caring, im down in my depths and i cant get out, i dont want to get out any more.
im scared in more ways than one, not all are visible
February 23rd, 2004 at 8:39 pm
Well i dont really know what to say.Ive only read a couple of your things. Well i havent been planing my death, but i have been thinking of it. And the reason is, because i hate my lfe.And most of it is my fanily! 4 1 thing my mom she treats me like im some object that she can ignore when ther isnt people around and then when people are here she acts ike im her pride and joy. And my dad hes so funny and nice when hes not drinking, and when he does he hits my mom. And iv had to live with that all my life. And then on my moms side of the family we have all theas skint nice…prepy kids like Liz shes married and has 2 kids then theres kris shes skiny cheer leader and shes going to collage, then theres Becki shes skiny and cheer leader, then theres jamie shes skiny and a cheer leader, and then there Austin hes getting better hes not a prep ne more hes tuning in to a punk and thats kool! And then theres me…the non-skiny goth chick who is weird and who cutts her self and who as tried to kill her self b4. And 4 that My own GRANDMA wont let me in her own house! And with the killing my self…well trying to i took some pills but they got me in to the doctor b4 i could die and i didnt take enouh i geuss. Wow im glad i could tell somebody about this well that is if you read it and i hope you do
February 23rd, 2004 at 8:39 pm
Well i dont really know what to say.Ive only read a couple of your things. Well i havent been planing my death, but i have been thinking of it. And the reason is, because i hate my lfe.And most of it is my fanily! 4 1 thing my mom she treats me like im some object that she can ignore when ther isnt people around and then when people are here she acts ike im her pride and joy. And my dad hes so funny and nice when hes not drinking, and when he does he hits my mom. And iv had to live with that all my life. And then on my moms side of the family we have all theas skint nice…prepy kids like Liz shes married and has 2 kids then theres kris shes skiny cheer leader and shes going to collage, then theres Becki shes skiny and cheer leader, then theres jamie shes skiny and a cheer leader, and then there Austin hes getting better hes not a prep ne more hes tuning in to a punk and thats kool! And then theres me…the non-skiny goth chick who is weird and who cutts her self and who as tried to kill her self b4. And 4 that My own GRANDMA wont let me in her own house! And with the killing my self…well trying to i took some pills but they got me in to the doctor b4 i could die and i didnt take enouh i geuss. Wow im glad i could tell somebody about this well that is if you read it and i hope you do
February 25th, 2004 at 3:46 am
go into hospital and get some help!
my mother was depressed 4 years and it messed up me and my kid brothers life!
February 25th, 2004 at 3:46 am
go into hospital and get some help!
my mother was depressed 4 years and it messed up me and my kid brothers life!
February 26th, 2004 at 7:34 am
please all help yourseleves. life bad for me at the moment but i couldnt think of leaving my family in the shit so please dont hurt your family like you think your gonna do. my pain wont come anything close to yours but please help yourselves. even thought you cant see light at the end of the tunnel just stay a bit longer and it will be there. if you werent meant to live or be here you wouldnt dont take your life for granted. think about the people who get killed i think you need to have a big chat with yourselve and sort your problems out. if no one listens make them sort it out. dont take ur life for granted it would piss u off wen u die and look down at all the pain u caused. wot if wen u died ur mom or dad killed thmeselves or any one u really cared of just think about it.
February 26th, 2004 at 9:20 am
Why am I dieing to live if i’m just living to die?
February 26th, 2004 at 12:52 pm
The reason I’m not dead today is all the things that keep my face smile.. I hate my life, but it’s to much that keeping me not to take suicide.. If I had said good bye to those things, than I would have been dead today.. Like Litzi said: Why am I dying to live, when I am dying to die?.. You got your” friends, family” and everything that keeps the smile up.. But I’m missing the silent, not the pain that’s stuck in me.. I don’t love my life, never done it eighter.. But something is keeping me alive, and I don’t know what.. Today I got 2 CLOSE friends that is keeping me alive, to friends that’s here for me no matter what.. It’s a long time since last I known that feeling that someone cares for me… I don’t mean that life is worth living, I hate being alive, but at the same time I love my life and those who are here for me.. I wish I was one of those that could say that they love their life and all their friends.. But sorry, I’m not one of those..
I’m so alone, and so frustrated of all the things that has happened to me in this 15 years I have “been alive”.
Many times I have felt so down, down of the bottom of the ocean.. But almost every time I have climbed up again.. No one has ever said that life should be easy, it isn’t eighter, life is a fucking hell that everyone must get true sometime.. Have I got a gun, 1 2 3, I would been gone for a long time, because it’s fast, and I hope, without so much more pain… Life is what it is.. We will get true it someday.. but witch day is the question…
And to all others.. Pills will hurt, more than other pain and stuff like that..
Just lock here: Acetaminophen (paracetamol) 338 oral, 500 i.p. Generally takes about 2 weeks to die, usually in great pain from kidney and liver failure…( http://ash.spaink.net/ld50.html )
February 26th, 2004 at 12:54 pm
I’m arakne, it’s my nick name when I chatt.. didn’t thought over that I called my shelf for> last time i wrote her..
February 27th, 2004 at 6:03 am
Hey, i havent been in here for months because i have felt alright, but right now im feeling so bad! Shinigami has dissapeared (caroline) and i dont know where she has gone! apparently she has run away as i recieved an email from her! Nikki is in Grand canaria and we both feel so useless cos of caroline! we love her to bits, she has been a massive help for us both and now shes on the streets! were so scared for her …. Argh this is all driving me insane. I feel its all my fault!!! a night ago i found myself graving hate into my arm….. I dont understand my life. its so confused. one minute everything is so great… and then i get all the bullshit that comes flooding back to me. my life isnt as bad as a lot of peoples but i still feel like the most worst off person in the world. My music has helped me so much for such a long time. its relieved me and made me feel better about everything, but know i just feel like im back in this masive hole again. Damnit i just cant understand. Talking about my problems never elps and iv got so much bottled inside me becasue i feel i cant tell anyone, even if i did id feel the same. These words i herd a wile ago, i agree with them but i cant see why. “Paranoia strikes deep, In2 ur life it will creep, It starts when ur always afraid, U step outa line, the man come n take you away.” im only 13 and iv tried 2 commit suicide 3 times. i ended up in hospital once, i slashed my wrists to deep, but i only done it to one, so i said i fell on a kinfe or some scissors. and they all believed me…. so nobody assumes anything. I havent told any of my family, sometimes i tihnk i should but i just cant cos i couldnt watch the dissapointment in their faces! sometimes i wish i hadnt of ben born! i always try to be posotive, saying to myself that the only way i can live my lfie is to believe that things will get better occasionaly i actually believe that, but then all that hope plummets again cos something goes wrong! please help me. i would be really greatful for any advice! im hoping that some of it may make a difference, but a lot of the time it doesnt! please just try to help. its all i ask xxx
February 28th, 2004 at 5:55 am
please someone respond! all i would like is some help!!!
i dont wana get any worse!!! please help me
February 29th, 2004 at 2:45 pm
i am going to kill my self, im fed up being bullied about my small penis , i cant take it anymore
February 29th, 2004 at 3:11 pm
i am getting better now i am seeing some 1 but i did feel worthless and didnt see the need to carry on this room helped a bit so thanx and if any1 wants to chat to me get it out please do if i am on i would like to help as i know myself its hard to find.
take care all hayley x
March 1st, 2004 at 10:17 am
to: g w n n
have hope my love things seem bad now and i’m not saying that your suffering isn’t awful but it will get better. Please go and see your doctor he/she will help you cope i know it’s har believe me 1′m 23 years old and i have been suffering form clinical and manic depression since i was 11 there are awful times whne it feels like someone has ripped your insides out and fucked them up and put them back in, there tinmes when you think you can’t take anymore and attempt to end it i’m not scared of dying i have come so close about 10 times and allways the doctors have pulled me back. The only thing that stops me is the thought of the grief of people i leave behind and believe me even if you think they don’t care they do. I know you are feeling shitty right now but you say that there are good times too, so remember them and do something about it to make it better
Blue skies hunny there are allways blue skies
March 1st, 2004 at 12:04 pm
Hellooooo any
1 want 2 be in a coven!
March 1st, 2004 at 3:46 pm
thanks Anna, i appreciate it! but i just cant see anything right now! everything is riddled and wrong!!!! i dont understand i cant see anyway out! i really cant!
im dying inside and i cant cope!!!!
Argh im so angry!! wound up, its just driving me insane! ok i need 2 calm down! my life is ok right now, but it just seems to never end with the torment! all my head is swimming around, noway out it cries! like something thats stuck there for ever! please……. i cant see anything! id rather be dead than to cope with this everyday! please anna help me
March 2nd, 2004 at 5:01 am
derek..
dont care about what they are saying! you shuldnt cear about it, but the pressure to day is wery hard.. but you friends, and people shuld care about you fore who you are, not becouse you penis isnt so fucking big ;)… take care, give fuck about what they are saying,plz..
March 2nd, 2004 at 12:19 pm
look do it allready i is sick of you god dam poeple stop fuckin around and sort it out go dam it
March 2nd, 2004 at 2:54 pm
hey everybody im in a state of depression about family members and friends and i really wanna kill myself who can tell me the best way?
to contact me add me
davidbirkett198@msn.com
March 2nd, 2004 at 11:31 pm
i sit, i wait i deteriate. there is nothing here for me y should i stay y do people say suicide is not the answer when it actually seems like a real good answer for me. now i see a councillor but i dont think it helps either does anti depressants. im lost and lonely no body cares
March 3rd, 2004 at 10:06 am
anti-depressent dont work for shit unless u O.D on them which to me seems like one of the worst ways to kill myself
I wanna BLOW my BRAINS out thru the side of my head!!!!
March 4th, 2004 at 1:32 am
yeah so do i, i know anti depressants dont fucking work and ive already tried taking lots but it just fucked me up more..I want to gas myself
March 4th, 2004 at 2:16 am
i just wanna die theres no point to my life. Im still in high school but i dont have any friends at all or anyone i can talk to. Nobody even knows who i am and my parents dont give a fuck either. i dont know what i should do i just need to talk to someone about this shit. thanks
March 4th, 2004 at 12:02 pm
man talkin helps but not much da best thing to do is get it over and done with coz dere is absolutely no point in life so fuck it and do it
March 4th, 2004 at 3:34 pm
i have a question to ask. It has been proven that some ppl commit suicide or have suicidal thoughts because some celebrities (or ex-celebrities) have also commited suicide. Also, some ppl who stereotype themselves into the ”gothic” trend wish to kill themselves, mainly due to peer pressure. So are you just victims to peer pressure?
So essentially, try and find out for yourselves if your suicidal thoughts are genuine, or if they were once created a long time ago by your loved ex-celebrities or ”influential” friends.
March 4th, 2004 at 5:10 pm
Those of you that believe that suicidal thoughts can be influenced well yes i guess there is some truth behind that but doesnt there need to be something for those thoughts to arise from?! ive neva been influenced into feeling as i feel but mayb some have i dont no. i believe though that many of those out there who do feel suicidal are genuine, at some point in many peoples lives they think there is nothing better than death, some can over come this others obviously can not.
suicide is a feeling which is strengthend by everyday effects as the majority no, ‘bad days’ can be seen as suicidal if they are bad enough for the person at the time for them not to be able to cope. after years of feeling suicidal myself though i do not believe i feel this way from a ‘bad day or even a few, i feel this way because it is my own mecanism of coping thinking of my death helps me get through the days, knowing that i myself can do something to help myself out of this pain and out of this life gives me hope. hope that there is a fate where i can be myself, there is a change i can carry out for myself. even though sometimes it may take time, i am able to cope because i no that there is time, time in which i may prepare myself and come to grips with who i am and what i believe.
i believe truely that we all have a choice and also have the right to make and act on what ever choice we make.
March 5th, 2004 at 12:18 am
I’ve read some of these comments above and it helps in a way, but scares me in another….I used to feel worthless and hopeless a lot, even gave it a shot, manage to get half way out , as I was half way out a 5th floor window….I was diagnosed with OCD, and depression sypmtoms in my early teens, but overcame my OCD just recently after forced to withdraw from university at the start of my 3rd year. Anyway, not to diminish the possible role of therapy, but I think we, (not that I know much, but someone who’s had poor mental healt fow a long while, and emerging from it now, I feel linked to some of these msngr’s, and feel compeled to type somethin. Anyway, I understand how tough it is, cause it’s a problem that the more you think about it, the more power you give it. So I’m not going to label myself, as an ocd, or a person who is depressed, because once you do, you give it power, mentally, so even if it’s true, fight it. So don’t think of how bad you feel, or all the things you don’t like in the world, or yourself. Yes I know it’s easier said than done, but it’s worth doing, unfortuantly only known after you’ve done it. Anyway devaluing current emotions of one’s self, or our thoughts, seems like devaluing ourslves which makes it worse, but it’s not you, it’s how you feel or what you think,and hey isn’t that a step in the right direction, taking power away from those negative feelings, and thus gaining power ourselves. Seems a little wishy washy i admit, but the more you think of how bad you feel, the worse you become, the worse I became. Mental conditioning, least for me, seems to be all about momentum, a “rolling stone”(cliche I know), get it going in one direction, especially downhill, the faster it starts moving…Anyway you may feel this is bullshit, fell that I don’t understand you, and you’re right i don’t, I don’t even understand myself all the time, no one does, so forget what you think you know, about life, about yourself and start learning that you Can change things, least that’s what I plan on doing, but don’t take my advice, find your own advice, cause everyone has it within them to help themselves….”If you can make it dark, then you can make it light” Not saying that it’s your fault you feel like you do, but try making it your fault that you feel better. Imagine yourself in the future sayin”that’s how I used to be” it’ll feel real good, trust me, it does. Gaining a new point of perspective helped me, but that’s me and you may have a tougher struggle ahead, but please look at it from a different point of view than a struggle….Suffering ceases to be suffering when it gains meaning, that’s a quote that isn’t word for word, but look at it as a challenge, give meaning to your battle, your life, the worse you feel now, the better you’ll feel later, Now that sounds lame, if someone told me that a year ago, I woulda been offended, but it’s true, I’m gettin a joy from beating my depression, from improving myself, and you can too.
March 5th, 2004 at 12:25 am
Please try people, We’re all we have, and it won’t get better till we make it, don’t do it for me, do it for yourself…
Now is all that exsits, past is gone, future is always ahead of us, so make Now better for you
March 5th, 2004 at 5:10 pm
I cut my self like crazy but i dont do it for fun and i dont do it enough to die just to take the pain from my heart and the things in my head and put them sum where else so when i do cut its like 15min of freedom and the world is on my side and feel great but i hate doin it im afraid one day im goin to actually really hurt myself…i dont want to but i gotta do wat i gotta do….fuck life right put on a fake smile so no one sees…thats right….
March 7th, 2004 at 12:50 am
I was full of shit, my “best friend” won’t talk to me, and that was all that was left…….I wish I waas dead
March 7th, 2004 at 2:21 am
i am suicidal myself, but i think im gutless i think every suicide person is gutless because its an easy way out im not pin pointing any1 for being suicidal cause i am aswell. but i think it is also gutless being suicidal for yrs it means we r too gutless to even do it. unless that is my fucked up theory and im gunna read this again 1 day and take my advice and fucking jump in me car and go gas myself which i want to do rite now!!!!!!!!!!
March 9th, 2004 at 6:36 am
Y THE FUCK R U LOT GOIN ON AS IF U R GONA KILL YOUR SELF WHEN U KNOW U WONT. IVE JUST GOT ME M8 TO TIE ROPE TIGHTLY ROUND MY NECK COS IM GOIN 2 HANG MY SELF, IM NOT PISSING ABOUT LIKE U BUNCH OV FREAKS.
10
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1
NOW IM GONEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE
March 9th, 2004 at 6:41 am
IM SICK Of my life ive just took 7 tubs of ibrufen ang now im wishin i hadnt am i going 2 die i dont want to please help me i dont no what do i cant move one of my legs has gone numb what will i do i cant stop shakin help me please and quickley
March 9th, 2004 at 4:07 pm
You know what i think is sick? up at the top of the page, there are adverts. I feel strongly against adverts in all forms, especially when the general public goes out and buy them as clothes, not realising that they have themselves created walking-talking advertisements, but to have adveets in a suicide chat room shows how strongly the companies want your money, and expect the ones who wish to commit suicide to buy their products. Now you all have to agree, suicidals or non-suicidals, that that is just greedy and essentially wrong.
March 9th, 2004 at 11:45 pm
“You know what i think is sick? up at the top of the page, there are adverts. I feel strongly against adverts in all forms, especially when the general public goes out and buy them as clothes, not realising that they have themselves created walking-talking advertisements, but to have adveets in a suicide chat room shows how strongly the companies want your money, and expect the ones who wish to commit suicide to buy their products. Now you all have to agree, suicidals or non-suicidals, that that is just greedy and essentially wrong.”
This is NOT a suicide chat room
March 10th, 2004 at 1:52 pm
”This is NOT a suicide chat room”
I never said it was a chat room, i came to see if it is, or was, and as i scrolled down the page i noticed a load of adverts, which sickened me, besides, i can express my views as freely as you, ppl CAN have an opinion y’know…
March 10th, 2004 at 8:25 pm
hmmmm yes well suicide chat, i think im all tlked out, dont think there can be much more talking for me lol its doesnt help hehe o well!!!
anyway my dears hope your all good and soldiering on, sure for amny u can b saved, if offered the chance dont just simply turn it down, give it ago u neva no it may give u a new out look, dont dis shite till u tried it lol
anyway nighty night x
March 11th, 2004 at 6:24 pm
this life is such a fukin waste of time, i agree with the dispair we are all feeling. lets just all get a length of rope and end humanity single handidly. pain is the only feeling i have left and im happy to spread that to all the world……… i just pray everyday that someone will blow my brains out for me, surely there are some takers out there? i hope i rot in my grave, i dont need saving i need convincing!!! so come on tell me all the good reasons for finishing it all im up for it…………… thanx for listening xx
March 11th, 2004 at 8:43 pm
lets all go a holiday to the golden gate brige
March 12th, 2004 at 1:50 am
i need a chatting friend to mail me soonest.
March 15th, 2004 at 2:48 pm
Well I’m new to this talking about things that matter to me and bother me. So here it goes. For a long time I was sad, like everyday. I tried to kill myself and the whole self mutilation and everything. And prob like most of you not one person could see it. But I have tons of friends, aquintances and drinking buddies. I spend most of my time socialising, cause I love people. But they don’t see me.
I’m sure not many people see you, and most of the time not even yourself. I’ve tried to kill myself, but think that if i’m really being honest with myself, I couldn’t do it cause I was scared to leave it all behind me. All the people who count on me and who love me, I really couldn’t do it.
So maybe you feel that you have no one, or you feel really hurt, and that it all don’t matter and nobody matters, but you matter, and maybe not to me and any of these peolple here, but to someone. And at the end of the day you are the best people in the world, cos as bad is it is to feel everything, it’s worse to feel nothing.
I don’t know if any of that makes sense or whether anyone cares, but if ya ever wanna talk, I’m listening!!!!
March 16th, 2004 at 6:08 pm
please talk 2 sum one i kno it may be hard and you may think they are laughing but there not its serious al my child hood i wanted to die but i was scared to do it and now im glad because it has turned around and i believe things happen for a reason and you have to just wait for them to happen.
March 17th, 2004 at 9:58 am
i feel so low right now. im gonna end my life i dont wanna live my whole life cutting my wrists
morbidchik
March 17th, 2004 at 10:01 am
please talk to me i dont know what to do i think im gonna do it
March 17th, 2004 at 10:02 am
talk to me !
March 17th, 2004 at 1:19 pm
Hey Morbid,
hope you’re ok. I cut my wrist too, and the worst is havin to hide them. What is it that makes you sad?
March 17th, 2004 at 6:33 pm
Does anyone here remember me? it’s not important if you do, but a few months back i posted a link here to web3d site/communities i was making.. I’m gonna email anyone i see on here with an email contact, maybe you will be intersted in my new site, no add popups now, we own the site and domain. Just trying to create a site that the visitors and members can interact with. No obligations but it might be nice for you/anybody intrested, to join us and help us build a community.
The site isint about depression or anything just hope it makes a few peeps feel at home and part of a community group thing. might help.
later!
March 17th, 2004 at 6:57 pm
Would you plesse attatch n email address so i can contact you about help, when you’re posting here, please add your contact email, i’m not after money or whatever you might think, i have a new site, it’s got chat, private messaging and alot of other stuff you guys could make your own, manage and have total control over. just add your email so i can give you a link im emailing everyone here that i can… if i got one person intrested i’d be happy.
Thanks
Debbie you were at my first free site, iv worked alot on this since then, hope to meet some of you there !
March 17th, 2004 at 9:10 pm
It’s 3 hours later i’m really tired,
Christopher, if you want to visit maybe have some sugestions as an admin yourself, please let me know.
I’ve went through this whole page, enailed anyone i could, and hotmail says i’ve reached my limit on my free account, i must of mailed over 100 peeps on here, sorry if i posted anybody twice.
I have 16 emails returned and am gonna read those now.
Good luck to all of you and i don’t pray very often now but you’re all in my prayers.
May my site be of use to you or else i feel very stupid for sending out a link
I didnt post it here because the last time i did, lrid was directly connected to my site if you did a search for it
March 18th, 2004 at 2:39 pm
we have 3 new members today thanks people!
It’s not alot but it’s ok you’re all welcome.
I’m switching to high speed internet very soon, im thinking of showing new movie releases on my site for the members, if they have dsl or cable also.
I’ve downloaded about 7 different chat programs and i’m picking from the best, you can allways send me feedback and let us know what you want to see on the site, or just ad it yourself
I’ll carry on from where i left off yesterday, mailing the rest of you, weither you like it or not, and if you feel you want to join us, just sign up and we’ll go to work on this site.
Later
March 18th, 2004 at 8:43 pm
jose is it actually up and running out of curiosity
March 18th, 2004 at 11:54 pm
Sarah yes the site is up why can’t you load it?
But from the responce emails i’v got since yesterday, im glad i have the site up.
I’m sure i emailed you too.
What’s the problem with these guys advertising meds?
I thought peeps should know about my site.
But i’m not advertising to make money/anything.
Maybe a few friends
hope you like it, it can only improve
March 19th, 2004 at 8:42 am
Hi guys i donno how i ended up here from the links so i got something to tell ya guys it’s all my bad stuff that i have been going through, so during the past couple a months i have been really really depressed and lonely feeling so isolated and have had tried suicide so many times but i haven’t been successful cause i couldn’t find a way of taking myself outta this lives easily and so now i thought i might share my comment with ya guys cause i know that i’m suicidal cause i got nothing so i will be doing this for sure soon the sooner the better so before i get myself outta this live so i want you guys tell me something and i know it’s stupid but what am i supposed to do when i’m being isolated from friends?
i guess i have made the right decision so please hit some feedback and i will it out.
thank you guys
March 19th, 2004 at 2:44 pm
hant bin in for awile cos iv been all good since tht wile ago! but iv just taken another bad turn and im scared im gona ovadose… i have a bottle of vodka and lOadsa pillz. im just sitting and staring…. please anybody giv eme some lifeline or reason to live cos i feel so down. i duno wev aim gona do it, but i dont wan hack away my arms anymore cos it just ruins me… i wana do somethingtht aint gona show on the outside……. maybe this is what i should do cos everything is going form good to wrse all the time! damn
March 19th, 2004 at 5:00 pm
I’m going to blow my head off with this .22 calibre gun. I can’t wait….I’m really excited about this.
March 19th, 2004 at 5:46 pm
at times i feel so full of hate and the only way to stop it is to hurt myself i’m going crazy i’m scared that i will snap and do something serious i don’t know what to do
March 20th, 2004 at 10:18 am
i can’t wait till i die
March 20th, 2004 at 4:19 pm
hey people, i aint bin here for a while, iv bin ok.i got a girlfriend, but ova the last few days it seems like shes bin avoidin me, i sorta expect it coz thats what’s happened all my life but the pain of rejection doesnt get ne easier,i suppose ill know in a few days if she’s gonna dump me or not,i dont think i cud go through months of depression agen, i gave life a last chance n if it goes wrong again im gonna killmyself.
March 20th, 2004 at 5:55 pm
You’re not going to blow your head off with a .22, get real. A .22 couldn’t possibly do that kind of damage.
if you want to blow your head off you need to use a 12 guage shotgun with 3 1/2″ magnum shells. All a .22 will do is piss you off.
hth
March 22nd, 2004 at 4:26 am
u ppl r fuckin crazy
March 22nd, 2004 at 8:27 am
stress
March 22nd, 2004 at 8:59 am
ive been through depression i know what its like to want to end your life…
March 22nd, 2004 at 5:04 pm
i feel like endin it now but my better judgement tells me not to but then its a nice easy fix if you never want to feel stressed again perhaps its worth it lets flik a coin and let fate decide
March 22nd, 2004 at 5:38 pm
I can’t wait to die < what a stupid comment,
Even tho i wish the same some days, when i think about how stupid people really can be, including me, it just make me laugh at such stupidity…
When you’re alive, you might be rich, you might be poor, you might be depressed you might be disabled or even just bored.
But one thing i’m sure of, while you’re here that ois what you got and it’s up to you to improve your situations, which is never imposible…
When you’re dead, that’s it, you have nothing…
So why would you complain about your miserable life when you actually have something that you can change, if you want to, in what ever fashion.
And then ther’s all of us idiots out there wanting to end it all and have nothing when we really want a better life haaaaahahahahaha
Soo soo stupid..
Thanks for the support on my new site i added 91 free tv channels and arcade games and alot more..
Anybody else want me to email them a link ?
Later
March 22nd, 2004 at 5:51 pm
it seems that fate has favoured me on this night
March 23rd, 2004 at 2:57 pm
dude i really don’t know where i am but it’s not like i have something better to do. i’ve tried to commit suicide but nothing seems to work, so most of the times when i feel like shit i can’t do anything because ppl are always there to fuckin stop me. trust anti-depresants don’t work they just make you feel crapier.
March 23rd, 2004 at 5:38 pm
you ain’t the only1 who has tried to kill yourself
iv’e had a few attempts myself i find that burning helps me forget my problems fire or boiling water they work well and if i get really depressed cutting works quite well i think that i punnish myself for how shit my life is getting there are a lot of times when the world seems fake and i get lost inside my own mind thats how it begins and then it gets worse and when i think iv’e hit the bottom some fucker digs another 200 foot out from beneath me its a never ending world of torment and misery and no1 wants to help me i figure the best thing would probibly to kill myself and then the pain pulls me back into myself with shaking hands and a sweaty forehead barely able to move let alone kill myself and i will once again recoil into the hate and sadness that fills me
March 23rd, 2004 at 6:50 pm
I AM THE BULL GOD
March 24th, 2004 at 4:31 am
if ne1 feels like talkin my number is 02879644406
im a gr8 listener and have healin powers
March 24th, 2004 at 7:42 am
THIS WORLD IS FUCKED UP
I HATE THIS PLACE
I WANT TO DIE
I’M LOST IN THOUGHTS OF HATE AND PAIN
THESE FEELINGS HAVE TO STOP
I HAVE TO LEAVE THIS HELL THAT I’M IN
I’M A PRISONER OF MY OWN THOUGHTS
I HATE THIS WORLD
March 24th, 2004 at 7:47 am
I WONDER IF WHEN I DIE I WILL BE GOING TO HEAVEN I DOUBT IT VERY MUCH
IF THERE IS A GOD HE/SHE OBVIOUSLY HATES ME
AND WOULDN’T WANT ME IN HEAVEN
March 24th, 2004 at 4:06 pm
need chat room and support, have a major court event and I am being overpowered and this is so unjust and I am at my wits end
March 24th, 2004 at 8:55 pm
I’m a prisoner inside my own head there aint nothing worse than this
death seems to be the only answer to rid myself of this pain and hate and what makes it worse is the fact that people just take the piss outa me when i try and talk about it
nobody cares nobody will ever care so why should i give a fuck about any1 else
i’m loosing my mind i don’t know what to do
this has to stop it seems that the only answer is to die and that will be the end of it all……..
but then i would like nothing better than to take out those fuckers who ruined me before i go
a murder & suicide the prospects for me seem bleak i don’t know what to do
i HATE this life that god has given me
i HATE the people god gave me for a family
i HATE my life and i just want it to end
March 26th, 2004 at 1:49 pm
oh damn! here we go again back to i hate myself side! well i got aletter form my step brother today and what he said made a lot of sence but its what iv been fighting for months! i feel like slashingy myslf up at the moment, the only thing stopping me is cos iv been fighting it for months now and i dont wanna loose all that i have gained over the months! it infuriates me to think that im gona loose it all again if i do it! so i stop myself, but cos its become an addiction over the years i feel that i have to do it! and so because im not im feeling that the anger i used to free is building up again! damn this crap! ane help anwhere would be good thanks xxxx
March 28th, 2004 at 12:39 am
i need sumone to talk to plz im me on aol simesetwinpie456
March 30th, 2004 at 7:58 am
i have stopped cutting myself for a while now and i think to mysel that i dont need it but then i get to the point when i no its the only thing that will make it better. im turning into an alcoholic, well i feel it lol cant go a day with out a drink, im sure thats wrong im only 16 hmmmm neva mind it keeps my mind occupied for a while.
getting to the point of cutting i no it, i cant keep pretending to myself that i can be cured, ive been doing it long enought ot know im not.
‘girl_with_no_name’ good luck, i know what you mean about the habit, you know what relief it can give you and you know that it can help when you get to that point.
as i said drinking is taking over but i still have a feeling in the back of my mind a thought of my old self telling me i havnt changed telling me ive shifted my thoughts and im still wrong.
hell good luck to you all out there
xxx
March 31st, 2004 at 2:04 pm
I hate this rotten world. I am tired of filling out job application after job application and not getting one job. I’ve been to the interviews and I do not know what the hell I’m doing wrong. I’m just going to commit suicide because I am getting tired of being broke and I don’t have any good clothing. Good by all.
April 1st, 2004 at 9:26 am
hey ppl I tried tsuicide once take lots of pills but it didn’t work cause when I went to sleep I woke up the next day.I’m trin again. And i smoke that eases the pain some but like someone else in here said some fucker always fucks things up when ur feelin good and not killin ur self.
April 1st, 2004 at 10:05 am
hey ppl its me again. like someone in here said bout fuckers digin 2oo feet underneath you that happened to me a girl at my school made me think i had a chance with her she was all over me and let me grab her ass but when i asked for her email she said she doesn’t have one and she does. Thats when i tried to kill myself. I thought bout doin it at school like gettin a knife and slittin my wrist in the hallway.
April 1st, 2004 at 10:17 am
G2G now I’ll try to kill myself in a couple minutes in my next class unless som.ething good happens. Goin to take some tylenol
April 1st, 2004 at 11:58 am
Fagots……………………………………………….get a life dickheads…………..jus comitt suicide already ok?
April 1st, 2004 at 12:01 pm
Kurt Cobain had a rite to kill himself…he was a spastic and was dog ugly like you guys I’m sure. So if your planning on killing yourself don’t stop on my account ye losers? Ok?
April 1st, 2004 at 12:06 pm
Anybody got something 2 say 2 me abou wat I said then dont say it coz frankly I dont give a shit about some bunch of rejects that havent got the guts to pull the trigger…..
April 1st, 2004 at 12:17 pm
Is there anybody there at the mo? plz reply………………….plz……………..I’m about to pull the trigger…….I need support immediately…plz
April 1st, 2004 at 2:59 pm
I am really thinking about commiting suicide. I’ve been having this feeling since I started high school, I mean I don’t get teased or anything,and I have great friends, but my home lifestyle really changed! I’m the youngest of eleven children, and my dad died four years ago when I was about to turn eleven, and my best friends in the world just moved away at the start of the school year and m attendence at school is horrible, and my mom said she is going to give my brother custody of me. Now I feel my mom abandoned me… I really just want everyone to go away. So if anyone can give me any help please I.M. me or e-mail me at PhillyGurl0328@aol.com. Thank you for your time.
April 2nd, 2004 at 11:47 am
And the post about some girl named Mary, saying that she is going to pull the trigger is not from me. I’m not that suicidal! (It is righ before my post)
April 4th, 2004 at 1:29 pm
dwelling on bad shit that has happened is not good for the mind just get high and relax
I’m high right now and i feel great
all of you go and buy a big bag of weed
have a few smokes and you will feel great
April 4th, 2004 at 4:00 pm
WHAT I POSTED WUZ A FUCKIN JOKE! ALL U PPL R LOSERS GET A FUCKIN LIFE! AND IF UR GOIN 2 KILL URSELF DO IT QUICKLY I DONT WANNA HEAR ABOUT UR BORIN LIVES! HAHA LIKE MY FAMILY WOULD ABANDON ME MY LIFE IS THE SHIT AND ALL OF U R PYSCOZ!!!!!!!!!HAH
April 5th, 2004 at 8:51 am
why does my life have to suck? My boyfriend just broke up with me. my grandma died my mom and dad keep fighting and they are getting a divorce. i need some one to talk to my mom does not like me being a goth and that is why i do what i do.i get in trouble all the timeand i don’t now who to talk to will some one please e-mail me so that i can talk to you or someone. pleas ei think that it is great that someone is finally there to help peope that think of committing suiside. i used to sut my wrist and on my arm just because i had a bad day my mom sent me to a shrink but it did not help. i need to talk to someone that will understand me from my piont of view i really hate life because i havenoone to talk to. sometimes i just feel like letting go but then i start to sing “Hold On by good charlotte” over and over in my head and that is what i need to do but it is so hard to do that sometimes because every one is yelling at me and wanting me to be perfect like my older sister.
April 5th, 2004 at 7:43 pm
nikki email me if u like i will listen to what u need me to listen to, how old r u if u dont mind me asking?
ive been through similar shit to u!!
April 6th, 2004 at 1:27 am
SOMEBODY STILL LOVES YOU>
…Standing on the chair, jeremy wrapped the rope around his neck, and tightened it down, he wanted someone to walk in right now and seee him, stop him, and talk to him, It wasnt going to happen, he knew that this was the last time he would see, feel, hear, smell, but it didnt affect him, all that stood in his way now was a small chair directly under a beam in his house, for weeks, months now he had felt this way, physical and mental problems leading to an inevitable end, this was it.
a thought passed through his mind as he rocked the chair back and forth to knock it out from under him,about a movie he had seen where an older man had done the same thing, but it was fleeting as the chair fell and jeremy felt the rope go taught under his weight.
An explosion of white lite lit his eyes as an image of his 5th birthday party flamed into his mind, he was being teased, ridiculed by some of the children that were there, all he had gotten were cloths, not a single toy, he started to cry as he ran away, into the house, wishing he had never been born, his mother was there, she held him in her arms, soothign him, talking, yet jeremy wasnt listening, being held was enough, he felt safe, secure, happy.
now he was 9, fishing on a boat with his dad, evrything was right, evrything was happy, even the fact the they hadnt cought anything, and it was raining, could not make him sad, he was fishin with dad, and thats al he ever wanted,
Another flash brought him to 16, watching as his father was being hauled away from the car in an ambulance, jeremy had been wearing a seatbelt, but his father had not, a police officer came over to talk, but not a single word was heard throught he sound of the accident, replaying over and over in his head, watching as his father coollided with the window, and then the asphalt, rolling numerous times, then lying still as though he were asleep, jeremy knew diferent, he knew his father was already dead.
now he was 18, graduating high school, venturing out on his own, it was hard, but it had its good times too, hsi girlfriend, jennifer had asked him to go camping with a few of her friends, but he had to work, or else find a differnt place to live. “im sorry, i will make it up to you when you get back, ill take you out to dinner” he said as her and her friends drove off, for some reason he felt like he was empty, felt as though the world ahd abandoned him, life was too boring and scripted.
suddenly the flashes bacame faster and more vivid, still 18 he was arguing, with his mother about keping his own at home, he knew he was being unfair, still living at home, but he wasnt given any respect, even the simplist “thankyou” would make any chore worth doing,
19 now he felt a tremendous pain in his back and leg, there was something wrong, but it passed after a few days
20 the pain persists, now his back and leg always hurt, and the arguing with his family had gotten worse, after various issues in the last year, he was stuck without a job, car license or money, and had been trying to rebuild his life, but a few poor decisions kept him in his own world of poverty, nothing was right, and it kept getting worse, it woud seem that moneyt could solve all his problems, but it wasnt possible, not without transportation, or a place to live.
another flash brought jeremy to a few days earlier, he had been fired from his latest job, computer repair, which had been a god send, but was cut short when some of the inventory came up missing, he knew his inocense, but his boss didnt beleive him, rent was due and he ad nowhere else to go, no other source of money, no gas for his car, and even if he had gas he still couldnt afford his license so driving was risky, the pain in his leg was so intense now that the only thing he couold think about was chopping it off, nithing was worht putting up with this much pain, jennifer had left a few weeks earlier, without warning, or word.
his mother wouldnt talk to him, and even jeremy himself felt that life wasnt worth living,
Suicide
thats the answer. ill kill myself, then i wont have to be in pain anymore, not mental or physical, depression had gotten the owrse of him and it was all he could take.
now he was watching himself tie the rope around his neck, making sure it was fastened properly to the great wooden beam in his apartment. “nobody will care, why should they?”
teh chair fell over and jeremy was hanging, his arms hurt so bad, but he couldnt pull himself up, the rope was too tight, and he was just a little overweight.
as his mind became fuzzy, he knew thta it was just about over, 20 years of pain and suffering, embarrasment, humiliation, anger, and fear. solved with an old pice of rope.
Opening his eyes, he looked up, his neck hurt intgensly, but he was moving, pulling himself to hi knees, he felt the pice of rope at his neck, it was still tied tightly, but he could breath. had it came untied at the beam? no the other end was still there, tied securly aournd the large pice of wood. it had broken, looking at the end around his neck, he could see where the rope had been severed, but it hadnt ripped, it was a perfect cut, leaving both ends completley flat.
another flash, not unlike the visions in his head came from his left, looking over he saw the image of a bright, beautiful woman holding a long sword, smiling, and fadeing into the darkness of the night.
written under the pain of contemplating suicide, by JOE HAWN
April 6th, 2004 at 7:28 pm
christopher is it possible to delete these insignificant messages that are being posted like “IF UR GOING 2 KILL URSELF DO IT QUICKLY”, i dont think it helps anyone here who are genuinely deppressed, and ignorant people like that should not have the right to have their posts here
April 6th, 2004 at 7:44 pm
Depression is a sickness,
Or at least progresses to something that controles your pittyful little mind, you haven’t the power to control your own brain, after all, most of this crap is in your head.
You’re nobody, nobody should be around you, you’re use to your lonelyness.
Don’t think of others just yourself, after all you’re the one with the problem, can’t be cured? Oh well it’ a short life even if you manage to make your way through this one and only adventure.
Time to die? Time to life, your choice and you’ve got two… live and share the wealth of all the wonder your have yet to discover, or take the easy way out, die and be no more.
The end, you’re asleep, nowhere, nothing, a million miles away from anything you ever had.
What you’ve allways wanted?
April 7th, 2004 at 5:11 pm
I had a cousin that commited suicide when he was 18 and I had an uncle that commited suicide and i miss them verrrrrrrrrrryyyyyyyyy bad e-mail me at cherry_lips_69_2003@yahoo.com if you have had a family member kill themselve or if they tried
April 9th, 2004 at 11:03 am
Please will osmeone tell me a chat room that does not offer support but has just like minded people. I dont want support i want someone to relate to. Im on my last breaths here. I cant take it. Please someone email me and let me know if you know a chat or forum that DOES NOT offer support!
Thankyou.
Might get your email if its not to late!
April 9th, 2004 at 5:14 pm
My site is down coz the host has changed servers and i’m working on it, hope tp have it up again soon, there’ll be lots of fun stuff on there, 2d chat 3d chat and whole lot of other crap hahaa
No really i will email you when im back in biz, if you’re still with us, god bless you lol
April 13th, 2004 at 9:15 am
a fukin dissapiontment, dats all, all i am 2 me mum an dad!! an i cnt try get myself 2 believe that its not true. b’coz it it, he tells me!! iv help all these secrets 4 2 long 2 go an 4get all that he tught me about lien, protectin myself, 4 him 2 jus drop me, 4get me. part of me wants 2 mk it up 2 him, but how can i wen i havent dun anythin but been there an seen things he wishes i hadnt, ‘u remind me of what iv done wrong’ that wat he tells me. i cant jus take that, i have trie dso hard 2 impress him, but its neva gud enuff, my mum sed, jus be good, what she think am doin?? wot can i do , wen i have tried evrythin.
nothin, exactly! am a fukin waste of space, but i dnt wana b, i need 2 get ova it
an bloody soon
April 13th, 2004 at 9:24 am
Beth*a — please leave a way that I can get in touch with you. I’d like to talk.
April 13th, 2004 at 11:56 pm
I know what it’s like to want to die, but i also know what it’s like to want to live. I found the answer to life and a joy, a reason for living. I is Jesus Christ. Some may think that Jesus people are weird but if you really live for him and aren’t a fake, people will flock to you. And you will want to live. I know where i would be if I didn’t have the Father in heaven, in a bad spot is where i would be. So please if your thinking of suiside, stop, go to God, a church. Don’t end your life, we were created to live and praise God all of our days. You can do it, you can.