January 14, 2003
Suicide chat rooms? Huh?
Internet suicide
chat room killer held
The Register had a morbidly interesting news story about a woman who
arranged her own murder via a "suicide chat room."
While not nearly as sensational as
the poor
schmuck who arranged his own murder AND cannibalising, it's still
pretty disturbing.
Get on antidepressants, people. Or take up chess or something. This
stuff is not healthy.
Posted by Christopher at January 14, 2003 01:05 PM
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Christopher, that is the stupidest comment I have ever heard, "Get on
antidepressants, people. Or take up chess or something." Of course, it's
not healthy, and ignorant people like you are making it worse giving out
unhealthy comments like that. If it were as easy as taking antidepressants
or taking up a hobby, do you think the sucide rate would be so high?
Of course, we should not take pills to alleviate the pain, nor should we
submit to stupidity when we lack the emotional maturity to cope with
complex issues. The suicide rate is high, but there is still a massive
gulf between the amount of people who have thought about it and the amount
of people who have actually done it. Why? Why don't the people who think
about it put a gun to their temples and blow themselves to the moon? There
must be something worth living for: not chess, and not prozac, but
something that is never explained and leaves us groping for oxygen... as
though it were sweeter than golden honey. To hell with all of you
gentlemen, love life to the best of your capacities, and if love runs dry,
then...
if u dont know what its like 2 want 2 die or 2 have tried 2 kill urself
dont think u have a right 2 say anything about us. itz not as easy as
taking ur antidepressants. 4 1 anti depressants take weeks 2 actually kick
in and when they do they screw up ur mood so ur not who u usually r and
friends think ur acting strange. u cant just start doing something new and
b happy it takes time. hell ive been like this 4 years and i still am not
even close 2 being better. understand the problem b4 u make comments ppl.
i believe that when we are faced with a issue which concerns more tha one
person, their families and friends the situation is even more intense and
with alot more consequences. It easy to say take up a hobby, to take anti
depressant, and any other recommended methods but live you life hoew you
want to. And don't anwer that question with i don't have a life to life
for because why are you here? there is a time and a place for everything
and enjoying your self is 24/7!! So i strongly suggest you take up that
method. don't assume anything all assuming does is make a Ass out of you
and me!! look at the word assume and you will see ASS-U-ME
I thought this was going to be a live chat room, but I see that it isn't.
I am having a very difficult time dealing with my husbands suicide. Can
someone steer me to the proper chat room? Thanks
hello! I thought that this was a real chatroom but it isnt. so i will go
and find on one that is...
If you know of any proper chatrooms then let me know.
Thanx.
like many others i thought this was a proper chat room does anybody know
of a real one or is this all a a joke? let me know if there is a proper
one bye and thank you
how the fk would takin anti-depressents make it all beta they don;t evan
wrk most of the time and u ppl sound pretty happy for ppl who r and hav
bin suicidal.
i made a comment recently on this "live chat" room and i didn't and i say
again didn't get any response from chris or any one else on this issue.
can someone please tell us all where a chat room is. As there are some
really big issue that people wish to sort out! over'n'out Angel96
hi everyone. Look i'm just saying that if any one here needs someone to
talk 2 or just needs a friend, i'm here 2 help. I had a friend who tried 2
kill himself recently but with plenty of help and support he began to
recover from his depression. I like helping people and i think it is
rewarding just to see that i've made somebody smile. It is not only hard
for the person who wants or is considering suicide but it's hard for the
person who is trying to help knowone knows what it is like to almost loose
one of your closest friends unless you have experienced it. You can come
to me with anything and i will happily listen and if you want my advice i
will do my best to give it to u. luv "n" hugs angel03xx
I had no idea this topic would generate as much interest and controvery as
it has. Lurid.org is now the #1 hit when someone googles for "suicide chat
rooms."
I've posted a list of resources on the main page. Please check
out http://www.lurid.org for some suicide related resources.
Well Christopher, I am glad you are so lucky/ healthy/smug/young/ignorant
or any combination thereof. I am a 57 year old health care professional
and almost took my life last night. No particular reason. In my case it
was the low pressure system from the storms that messed me up. Clinical
depression is a biological disorder just like diabetes or hypertension.
Not everyone is lucky enough to find a cure. It's hard and until it's
happened to someone you love, have some compassion. A doctor I work with
just had his 18 year old son hang himself for failing pre-med. You just do
not know until you have walked in another person's shoes. I am older,
alone, have no family. Last night I really needed someone to talk to.
Young man, life is not all what you think it "should" be. Lighten up on
the rest of us and thank what ever God you believe in that it is not YOU
who suffers from this disorder.
death....shoudnt be of pitty they just got smart
i thought this was a sucide chatroom obviously not. could u tell me the
addy to one pls!
thats it give them anti depressants and guess what??? they overdose.
shudnt we be tackling the issue instead of avoiding it? and the chess
comment just shows how ignorant u r!
Being lonely in the world in the worst thing. I wouldn't wish apon it to
anyone. Trying to find meaning for living is the saddest thing next to
being lonely to me. It sucks when all you think about when you wake up is
why you are still not dead. You think about if people would even notice
the space you gave up when you died. The reason that I am not dead right
now is that I way trying to find the best way for me to dye. I think I
should just be burned and barried and ever be talked about ever again, but
who would take the time to barry me? If you can help me find a reason to
live please help me now. Thank you
Beth,
Please contact someone with whom you can discuss your feelings.
Here is a link to another story on this site with some information
about suicide prevention.
Good luck and keep me posted.
http://www.lurid.org/archives/000199.html
hey if u want to talk chris i am here for u okay just wanted u to know
that well i got to split for now but not forever bye sweetie i am 14/f/tx
im gonna go kill my self right now
i had hoped this was a suicide chat room. I reeally want to hurt myself
right now, but no one seems to care. I'm all alone right now and i have a
bottle of extra strength tylenol and some strong wine. I hope it will do
the trick.
youre a fucking moron whoever owns this website
One of the most sacred of my rights as a rational person is my right to
self determination ... and when the time comes ... when the music stops
and it is no longer fun I curse anyone who so much as attempts to
interfere or hinder in any way how I exercise this right ....
And a pox on those who interfere with right to die laws.
DEB from Oz
I'm working on implementing a real-time chat room. Until then, please
refer to the list of suicide prevention resources I listed here:
http://www.lurid.org/archives/000199.html
i hate life coz all i have had in it is shit
To Beth and Diane and anyone else reading this with that incomprehensibly
heavy ache in your ribcage -
It can get better. It can. I went through
two years of trying to figure out the best way to end it. I woke up in the
morning and saw my life yawn in front of me as endless grayness, endless
pain. To shower in the morning was a tremendous accomplishment. My grades
plummeted (I was in fourth year university by the time I hit bottom), my
friends stopped calling because I could never give anything back, my life
collapsed.
After a failed attempt, in which a roommate came home earlier than
expected, I made the decision to leave everything behind and go live
overseas for awhile. For me, what I needed more than anything was to shake
up my little snowglobe, to try and find me amidst all the pain and sense
of failure.
It was so hard, but I returned to North America two years later with a
strong sense of who I am, what I want from the world, and how to get it.
This may not be the answer to your suffering, I realize, but I guess I
cannot go to bed tonight without at least trying to tell one of you, any
of you, that no matter how gray it may seem, no matter how hopeless it
feels, THIS CAN END. Life can be worth living. You can believe you're
worth living again.
Please do not give up. Suicidal people are often those who feel the
suffering of the world the most acutely - we need you on this planet to
counter all those other people who become so overconfident that they
abandon their humanity. We NEED you.
May you find the strength for one more day's fight.
E.
I too am disappointed not to have found an actual chat room. Thank you for
that last comment, "Ka". It made the most sense of many other opinions
that seem to TOTALLY miss the point. Having said that, i have one
question......... I have long had the belief-feeling-view point-whatever
that ANY of the many things ppl do to try to get my interest Back into
Living Life, are nothing more than distractions to occupy my time untill
such time as i die of natural causes at an age when Others will feel more
comfortable. This is something that I KNOW even when I don't feel quite
brave enough to take my life, or gloomy enough to ignore the fear or pain
of death. That fact never changes for me. And I have never been able to
have any one propperly address it. Anybody feel like giving it a go??
Hey Bono,
Others are always going to grieve for you, whether you die at
your own hand at 15 or by cancer at 95. Any, or at least most, attempts to
help are not to distract you from taking your own life for the short term
but are trying to help you see the reasons you shouldn't. Yes, it's
probably a little selfish - so's not sharing your ice cream with a friend
because you really want that extra six mouthfuls.
The problem is, no one can understand how much it hurts unless they are
or have been in it: people who tell you "life is wonderful, buck up!" (my
parents used to say "I can't understand why someone of your talents is so
unhappy!") usually only serve to push you deeper when you realize that
life isn't always so wonderful.
Your life is yours alone and no one can or should tell you what to do
with it. And, therefore, you and you alone can find the reasons for making
the decision to live.
In the meantime, recognize that the people trying to "distract" you are
doing the only thing they can think of in the face of losing someone they
care deeply about. And no, this doesn't just mean family or friends, who
can often be less than supportive when you're this low; I have never met
any of you but, since happening upon this site, you have never once left
my mind or my heart.
So try to forgive us for being selfish and trying to keep you on this
plane with us for a bit longer. Life's too short at the best of times and,
when you care about someone, you'd give anything for an extra day, month
or year with them.
E.
Only thing I can think of is take a walk and get your mind off this
subject and into something else.
And don't listen to the negatives obviously inhabiting this thread just
to do harm. Don't even need to know they've harned anyone as long as their
sick perverted message is seen they've done their work.
Get a pet or something that would depend on you being there tomorrow.
Even a plant or garden.
does anyone know how to purchase cyanide???
i found a live suicide support chatroom. www.4-lane.com
here are some more
www.eyecatchers.com
www.depressiontalk.net
lightinthedark.net
walkers.org
im on my 16th tylenol as i type this, and with any luck ill be done for
soon. if i dont make another post in 2 days, count tylenol as my two
thumbs up method!
I agree with these people ! this is no chat room this is a tease to people
that need help want help and you say this is a chat room Duh! it not it's
a tease!
I hope those that need a friend or someone to talk to find that . I know I
do! I guess I won't get it here.
Val.
I know this is a joke of a chatroom, it's just a message board---i have
found a suicide support chatroom at www.4-lane.com. check it out, there
are some others i have posted earlier as well. Hope to see you there.
Faerie (((hugs))) and kisses ... and she flutters off...
This site is a weblog, not a chat room. It was never intended to be a chat
room. Take a look at the main page http://www.lurid.org and you'll see it
is a personal web site and not a site dedicated to suicide prevention.
If the need/interest exists, I may implement a real-time chat room. I'm
looking at php-based chat solutions now.
If you would use a real-time chat room, please respond here so I can
guage the interest level.
Thanks.
--Christopher
i ve tried
ive never succeeded
tonight i want to succeed
but i want it to be easier and smoother that before
will it
Suicide is not the answer for anything. You can get on pills or talk to
someone or just have the balls to hang on. And for those of You who say
well, have You tried it? Yes, I have. I had a razor blade and was starting
to slit myself. You know what held me back, the fact that killing myself
was going to hurt the few people that did care about me. So, instead I put
the razor blade down and went out to the movies. And if anyone reads this
and needs to talk, e-mail me at aphroditehecate@yahoo.com. See, now You
know someone cares so until You talk to me You can't kill Yourself.
~Britt~
Can anbody describe the pain that you go through? I know that emotional
pain is so bad sometimes that people find it unbearable and use suicide to
escape from the pain. i feel this pain as well - some have described it as
being like a stabbing pain inside. I can't decribe it. Can any of you?
Lodso
you know what the cool thing about deciding to kill myself is. it is
figuring how to come up with a way to make all of the people who have
caused me the pain that drives me to suicide feel it back ten fold.
suicide is only an end if you die like a baby curled up in a corner with
your pill bottle lying at your feet. instead is it not better to cause an
event so horrific that not only the people who have caused you pain,or the
people who have ignored your pain so they can feel better, or the people
in power who feel that they can flaunt their power while you are crushed
by the weight of their tyranny.ahh im getting off track. anyways wouldnt
it be better to make a name for your self like dahmer, gacy,
kazinski,rudolph,bin laden, and on and on you get the picture. anyways if
you think im giving away the game by saying who i am than you are crazier
than i am. of course it could just be like the saying goes i am normal it
is everyone else who is crazy.
oh well tata for now ill be back maybe
this will sound totally retarded but whats it like wanting to kill ur
self? coz my friend tried once but i got to her in time (before she could
do any serious damage to her self). she used to talk 2 me about it but she
could never put all of it to words so she didn't say much. i want to try
and understand part of what she went through.
i want to be in heaven with god, there is one person in this fucking world
who cares bout me and her name is becca. she is suiccidle too, someone
kill me.
i want to be in heaven with god, there is one person in this fucking world
who cares bout me and her name is Ashley. she is suicidal too, someone
kill me PLEASE!!!!!!!!!!!
I have had alot of suicide thoughts lately because I am short fat and
going through a seruious depression.
Christopher you are a pain in my ass because i thought this was a chat
room. Hope you are happy in misdirecting people with your useless
comments.
christopher should help me out, bring me a gun a pull the trigger, im on a
high dose of anti-deprssants and i play chess, you think thats gonna
freaking help???? i wish you killed yourself your the reason we feel this
way sicko's like you..............y should we want to kill ourselves when
its people like you we should kill!!!!!!!!!!!
For those who posted alot of these comments doesn't know what it is like
to think about suicide. I think about it alot, there are things in my life
that encourages me to not live anymore, I have a boyfriend that makes me
very happy, and he is the reason I still breath, but there are other
things going on in my life that makes it hard to even get out of bed,
things I have no control over right now. Everyone tells me to be patient
and wait, that God will work things out. God, he is the other reason I
still live, I'm not a christian, but I do believe in God. And I believe in
hell, that is not a place I want to go. I do think about it, alot, but for
the small or big reasons I haven't done it, I'm glad I have. But here
lately, I scare myself, because I find myself thinking about it alot more,
and I find myself in a state of mind that I can't control. And this
feeling is not a good one, I used to be so happy and full of life, I'm not
sure what happened, I used to think I could control how I feel, but trust
me, I was wrong, no one can control how their going to feel, you wake up
in the morning and think hey I'm going to be happy today, because
something might happen to trigger your emotions, and make you feel like
life isn't worth living.
hey raylenne or what ever the hell your name is dont fucken say that to
chris is you are in depression you should damn well know not to tare him
down cus would you like to find out you were the cus of someone dieing
that is bull shit i have tryed to kill my self more then ne one i know of
it been 14 years of suicide in my life and its becus ppl have been so rude
and mean and no human like say "bring me a gun a pull the trigger, im on a
high dose of anti-deprssants and i play chess, you think thats gonna
freaking help???? i wish you killed yourself your the reason we feel this
way sicko's like you..............y should we want to kill ourselves when
its people like you we should kill!!!!!!!!!!!" that is so not call for kay
you know damn well how it feels to be so sad into the pool you would do ne
thing to die okay chris was giving ideas and chess isnt gonna kill you!
your attitude is! grow up!!!!!!!!!!! chris if you are still here i dont
know you or your story but i will help you and every one in here i am a
surviver of suicide and i can help i want you guys to know when the world
seems so big and no one there loves you, i do and so does heavenly father
!!!!!
~*~ JasiLynn price~*~
heh. i would like to be the cause of someone dying. i would like to start
a group suicide in my town but i'm just not sociable enough to find
people.----------i'm on antidepressents and stuff but the only thing that
does is screw with my sex drive. i'm also on an antipsychotic but all that
does is make me to drugged up to think about the things that bother
me.---------october 10th is my death date. the way i'm gonna go is take a
dissociative (dextromethorphan-ingredient in cough syrup) and then slash
my wrists. it'll be a .slow.painless.death.
by the way, when you slash your wrists make sure you do it the correct
way. don't go across your veins. go *with* your veins. that way it won't
clot. or something.
maybe none of us really have problems. that doesn't mean we can't commit
suicide for the experience of committing suicide. we can still be tired of
our lives et cetera. i'm sure you understand. it seems like suicidal
people think they know more than everyone else. i do it.
My life sucks, I'm tired of living it, I don't feel like going on anymore,
I know now no one can help me get better, especially the people on the
internet, because no one knows if my life is worth living, no one knows
me.
hey debbie thanks i know what you are talking about! i have lived with
depression all my life andi know how it feels to wanna kill myself! and i
know who it feels to lose someone who killed them self and it hurts i
loved them that is whats changed my life all the way and who ever said
they are gonna kill them selfs on oct 10 dont please you are ending you
hurt but you are hurting a lot more then ending hurt! trust me well g2g
love y'all
~* Jasilynn~*~
*sighs*
It's not easy to be happy when you're feelin so alone.
I understand, i've been to the darkest places and
Continue to return there; my dark and lonely places!
Who's gonna stand by my side, comfort me and help
me through this hell, i'm alone in the valley
of darkness.. And i keep commin back for more!
People shouldn't suffer in silence.
"When you laugh, The whole world laughs with you.
But when you cry, You cry alone?"
Lonely crys with tears in eyes, there's millions like
You, that's no surprise ;-)
This place dont to have a live chatroom?
It's nice to have a place to meet decent friends...
Might not be the cure, but it might also help you...
Talk to friends sharing simular intrests/problems.
If enough people email me, i can set a live session up.
There's alot of people out there that couldn't care
Less about your situation, BUT! there's millions! of
People out there who would love to help you back on your feet.
Huh am i makin this up as i go along? probably,
At the least someone will see it :-l
ep_freeland@hotmail.com
Becca, you n your friend could have alot of fun together during you years,
go on vacations, dancing, shopping! whatever you like doin together!
Don't you know, we only get one life, it might be hell at times, but when
it's gone, it's gone.
And then you cant miss eachother.
Debbi you'r not alone, and i agree the
net isint the the best of places at times, but there's alot of good peeps
out there, hard to trust though, i know
now i gotta go be alone cya
it seems like all the suicidal people think that they know something that
everyone else doesn't. i mean, they'll always say that no one can help
because no one knows me. or knows what i understand. bah nevermind. i'm
guessing cuz it's something i do.
Does tylenol OD actually work?
I don't know if tylonal od works, but I do know it can make you severely
ill, and mess with your kidneys, trust me, I tried it. The doctor said I
was lucky that it didn't kill me, I didn't think I was lucky, because
thats what I was trying to do. I have also tried Lortabs with ibuprofin.
These also make you severely ill, I've tried to od, Then for a while
people convince me that life is worth living, I'm happy only for a short
time, then I fall back into the pit I was pulled out of. I have beautiful
children and a loving boyfriend that need me, I really do want to live,
but my illness or whatever yo call it takes over, and my life don't seem
as important.
To all those that read this, I'm sorry for the same post over and over,
but for some reason , my post it botton froze up on me, and I didn't want
to aggravate anyone, really sorry.
TO ANYONE AND EVERYONE!
here to announce>
IF ANYONE EVER NEEDS SUMONE TO TALK TO OR JUST TELL UR PROBS TO OR HAVE
SOMEONE TO ASK ADVICE I AM HERE I AM HERE TO HELP CUS I TOO HAVE FALLEN
INTO DEPRESSION,...HAD THOUGHTS BOUT THE DARKER SIDES OF LIFE...BATTLED
PPL IN PURSUIT OF MAKING ME BURN INTO A PILE OF SHIT...IVE BEEN THROUGH
THE SAME SITUATIONS AS MANY PPL IN THE WORLD... TALK TO ME CUS I TOO NEED
SOMEONE TO TALK TO!
"To die would be an awful big adventure"...........
Peter Pan
^^^lets find out. Heghlu'meH QaQ jajvam.
Debbie you're right, you have beautiful kids and a boyfriend, they love
you more than anyone, imagin what they'd be like without you.
I'm nt so lucky to have a beautiful wife and kids, and the rest nobody
wants to hear about.
Try your best, everybody has bad days, some worse than others.
People, think of the damage you'll cause to the minds of
Your young ones, friend/s, family, aquantances...
I've seen so many people go through un nessacery pain as a result of
someone giving up their lives.
I'm struggeling, but i'm still here and i know that you cant tell what's
around the next corner.
But this is the only adventure we have, the next life is just a dream,
live the reality first.
Do you love me, or do you not?
You told me once, but I forgot.
I had a heart so tender and true,
but now it's gone from me to you.
I do the believe the lord above,
sent you here for me to love.
he picked you out of all the rest,
because he knew I'd love you best.
If I shall die and go up there,
I'll write your name on the golden stair.
If your not there by judgement day,
I'll know you went the other way.
I'll give the angels back their wings,
golden harps and other things.
Just to prove my love is true,
I'll go to hell to be with you.
I'm sure that all people have someone
that love them this much, and feel as they're their world, please try to
hold on, and let the people in their lifes enjoy them as long as God will
allow. There are sorrow and pain all around, you can't hide from that, but
we can hold are heads high, and live the life God has granted us, to the
fullest.
By the way, Debbie is one of my friends, I stumled on this using her
computer, she has it saved, I try to talk to her about her problems all
the time, and I hope that each and everyone of you have someone that tries
to help you and talk to you about how important you are to them and the
other people you have in your lifes.
I use to have someone special, but now we dont talk.
i'm glad debbie has friends, look after her, it's a terrable feeling to
have people around you and still feel alone. and worse if she had noone to
turn to.
peace!
Ep, I understand you, I know exactly what your talking about, everyone I
talk to close to me, they don't understand. They talk to me, but they tell
me how I should be feeling, instead of listening to my problems, they
can't understand how I feel, and the most usually ask me why I'm not
happy, because they believe just having them should make me happy. They
don't see the stress and how my heart is breaking all of the time. Some
actually yell at me when I say I don't feel like living anymore, so I
continue to hide the way I feel. the way I did at the beginning, and I go
through this alone.
Hey Debbie, at least this board gave you & me &
anyone else, a chance to clear the head and get
some troubled thoughts out in the open B-l
That normaly noone else would want to hear *laughs*
They should delete all those stupid suicide stories
too and focus on the living and recovery!!..
instead of something we know nothing about.
I feel i have a reason to be here, but i'm not sure what that is at
present. i'm happy today, i could be
mentaly depressed tomorrow, but i'll deal with it. you do the same! think
of the happy times ahead, watching you kids grow. Would you let anybody
harm one of your kids? i doubt it, they'd be alot worse without you truse
me, scared for life.
Now i haven't got anything off my cheast but hope you feel good today :-l
Peace!
Ep, I feel the same, I come in here and type my problems, it relieves some
of my stress, not all, but at least I'm able to tell how I feel among
people that feel the same way, or are at least interested in hearing. I'm
not like alot of people, that is constantly depressed, I do have my happy
times. But they don't last, and when this horrible feeling comes over, I
can't control my thoughts, so I usually curl up in a corner on my bed, or
in a chair, in the dark, and cry until I fall asleep, or at least
something happens to make me feel better.
I hate this feeling that I have all the time, it scares , me. I wish it
would all go away.
well, when i told one of my friends i'll be slashing my wrists come
whenever, he told me to make sure and do it right. cutting across the
veins is wrong. cutting with the veins is good. less clogging clotting
whatever. he's a good friend.
it's a feeling i like. it's a feeling i
had last year. it was amazing. maybe i felt like shit but the feeling was
awesome. but i was depressed. maybe that's the feeling i like. but now,
killing myself has become...how much do i hate myself?
Skimmer, I don't know you, but I would like to be your friend. A friend
who tells you how to cutt your risk, can't be that good of a friend. A
friend wouldn't want to lose you. I can say this and honestly mean it, you
are the first person I ever heard of, that likes the way depression feels.
I don't, and I wish I never felt it, I try to avoid this room now, because
I don't seem to find much help, I think the room was actually created to
make fun of suicide, not to try to help.
I don't know much about life, but I do know the one I have is the only one
I'll live. Then after that is eternity, and I don't want to live eternity
in hell, because I couldn't handle the life God gave me.
thought i oughta bare my naked feelings/thought i oughta tear the curtain
down/i held the blade in trembling hands prepared to make it but/just then
the phone rang/i never had the nerve to make the final cut
Skimmer don't be stupid, noone wants to be depressed lol
Maybe next time you'll get a little closer and you'll scare the life out
of some friends when they find you have alive. I hope there's not a next
time man!. noone wants that!
Hey now we have Debbie giving good advice yay!
They probably did create this board to make fun of suicide, but i don't
see noone laughing !
Keep up the good work lurid! looks like it's turning round :-i
Jesus i'm depressed.
i read all the comments and i am still depressed.
i dont know why i want to die, my family r rich im 16 and i have a nice
car and a beautiful girlfriend.
why do i hate life and why do i feel so empty like i have this hole that
sucks all my fealings away. and finaly why doesnt any one care
Brad, have you talked to your family or your girlfriend about how you
feel? Maybe you'll realize that people really do care, you are 16 years
old, you're to young to end your life, everyone no matter what the age is
to young to end their own life. Death will come on it's own, we don't need
to make it happen.
EP, I wish I could take my own advice, I'm not stupid, I know what my life
is worth, I just forget myself. I don't want to see anyone kill theirself,
or hear about it, but I'm human. I too am depressed, and I come to this
room to relief some stress, the other night I really needed to come in
here, but I couldn't get connected to my internet server, I sit and cried
all night, and I felt worst than I ever did.
I'm in that deep dark cold hole tonight, is there anyone out there?
Jees that was yesterday Debbie, hope you're well today
I wake up lately and its as if i've been thinking all through my sleep!!
Brad, you should tell your g/f if you can't talk to your family.
Maybe she can help you figure it out or get you some help?
Don't let it get to you, everybody has depression or stress, but we all
handle it differently
Some better than others, the strong survive!
I feel weak but i'm surviving :P
Least yall got someone to turn to if youd just relized you can.
I remember when i though i could talk to someone, then they left me alone
:-l
So forgive me for not being close with any of you, but i feel you too!
Peace
i like this girl. i've been having an awesome fantasy. no sex for me. i
want to taste a depressed girl's tears and blood. i mean, how hot is
that!!? no seriously, has anyone else had something like that?
Well, the mood I'm in tonight is much different, I'm very pissed off. Life
is a funny story, huh?
Skimmer, don't worry, everyone has fantasies, I have some weird ones all
the time.
For those who really want to know how suicidal depression feels, I'll
share about what mine feels like. YMMV.
I'm down, sad, and lonely,
perhaps angry or mad but unwilling or unable to express it. I hate myself
for not only something I did (or didn't do), but also for all the other
mistakes I've made in my life, especially those few thousand mistakes that
emotionally hurt other people. I wonder what's wrong with me. I believe
I'm hopeless and that I can never get better. I believe I'm broken.
I look back and see that the years of therapy and self-help groups have
NOT helped. I've been on meds for about a year and still I cycle into deep
depression. I see myself as an utter failure with no solution in sight.
Nothing seems to help.
I feel despair, darkness, a desire to be far away from everything. I
literally want to crawl off somewhere and die. I don't want to be seen, or
touched, or "helped", because I don't deserve it. And since I'm so fucked
up it won't matter anyway.
I believe that people would be better off without me. Sure my loving
wife will miss me and it will hurt her for a while if I die. But when I
compare that to hurting her for decades to come, the choice seems clear. I
never want to hurt her or anyone else, but despite that I still make
mistakes. I feel utterly hopeless.
When I cry it seems to come from my soul which is filled with pain,
loneliness and despair. Maybe if I cry long enough it will end... but it
doesn't. No one really understands, even though I can explain all this
quite clearly. It's so tempting to give up and just close in on myself for
good.
Why am I still alive? I don't know. Maybe I'm too weak to actually do
it, but I doubt it, because over time the hopelessness and despair deepen
even more, and fewer and fewer options are left. I've visualized dozens of
ways to perform it. I've thought alot about what I would write in letters
that I leave to others, mostly apologizing for having been in their lives
at all.
The only "out" I have for myself is a decision to call 1-800-SUICIDE
before I actually kill myself. Not that it will necessarily help, but what
the hell -- one last shot. Often I re-read this:
http://www.metanoia.org/suicide/
Eventually I go do something and go from "suicidal" to "severely
depressed" -- an improvement. Or I fall asleep and wake up moderately
depressed. Some days I feel ok, others are killers (sorry 'bout the pun).
For anyone who CANNOT sympathize with these feelings: please do not
post here. If you can't be helpful, please find something more
constructive to do than kicking people when they are already way down. Go
find some conceited bastard or bitch to slam instead. Thanks.
No one should be forced to live a life they do not wish to. I know what
the doctor would say that my depression was due to an unbalance of
chemicals in my brain. But no antidepressants could change the enviroment
I am in nor the people who affect me.
Oh yea, for all you who have thought of slitting your wrists, make sure
you cut along the veins in your arm not across, keep your arms away from
you body, also hot water helps keep the blood from clotting. No one is
fully responsible for murdering themselves.
You all have your own problems, i don't think any of them relate to mine,
i'm in hell, or something close to it.
I'm working on an animation, i'll be in it and a few other persons. Don't
know if i'l be here to see the responce it gets but it'll be posed so the
right people get to see it, maybe they will see my situation.
Great site maybe ill be the top story soon
peace
I was hopeing to chat with a live person,guess not! Time is running out,I
don't know what to do,well I do. Sorry to have bothered you,if any one's
there.
I was hopeing to chat with a live person,guess not! Time is running out,I
don't know what to do,well I do. Sorry to have bothered you,if any one's
there.
Wow it's people like you that make depressed people just want out of this
world even more..how can people preach life will be happy when they
haven't even experienced the pain people thinking of suicide have dealt
with..it's like going to an alchol annoymus class and having the fucking
counselor never had a drink before..it doesn't work..thanks for making me
consider this more..shit you really shouldn't be so insentive :/
Dear No
Thats not fare! I came here looking for help,not to be shit on. There must
be somebody out there who cares if i live or die?
I was'nt trying to hurt anyone,just myself. Please do'nt act on my pain.
Icould'nt forgive myself.
Although,your words speak to me with abundent clarity!!!!!!!!!!
Mike, I can relate to how you feel, I didn't need you to describe those
feelings, but I'm glad you did, because you also described how I feel.
I find the events that happen in my life make me even more depressed, I am
told by everyone that it'll get better. But everything just gets worse,
when is it suppose to get better? How am I suppose to believe things are
going to get better?
Everyday as time passes, I just see myself getting old and feeling this
way forever, I don't want to live this pain any longer, I've realized, I'm
just in the way, I'm not good for anything, my life is worthless.
Why do some people just have nothing but good luck following them, and the
rest of us jsut have black clouds hovering over ours heads? And why do all
the sounds of the world, sound likes thousands of little beas buzzing in
my ears?
Why does my skin feel like it's crwling when I get near people, and why
does the thought of leaving my apartment make me want to puke my guts out?
Does anyone really have the answers to life? I don't think so, because
there are no answers to life.
Sometimes, I wonder why I was put here, I am worthless, I don't contribute
to anything worth living for. I am a nuisance, I'm cumbersome.
i feel so shit, my mum dismises all i say we dont even talk. im always in
my room and my dad works around the world. my mum had a drink prob. and
had 3 days left to live. i handled it but the thing is i can't handle
myself.my boyfriend keeps me positive but when im alone i feel so down. my
body gets to me a lot also.i hate my tummy and legs and im going insane
with people around me. every one is a transparent sheep!!! all clones.
i feel the same way DEBBIE. why are we here? families arent any help they
want to show love and affection but all they do is cause pain. why trust
someone when it gets thrown back in youre face in the end. u can't trust
anyone and even though i dont even have trust in mself i force myself to
keep to myself incase i get hurt. i only express myself on this because i
will never see any of u.
Is there anyone out there tonight? Is there an actual chatroom for this?
Why don't you create one Chris? You created this message board, I tumbled
on it by typing in suicide chatrooms, hoping to find a live chatroom, it
does relieve some stress by typing in here. But sometimes, I would like
some response back, because at my loneliness points, all this does is
makes me feel even more alone.
I need a real chat room...am extremely depressed...marriage
problems...have no true family...and everyone at work appear to ahet me
and doesn't have the courage to tell me, accoeding to my wife who runs the
business with me. I have no answers, all oue business, and can't afford to
divorce and can't find a purchaser of the business...I fell the best
answer is ending it all, than everyone who doesn't like me woulf be
releaved, as would my wife and her children. I've taken 3 valium 10s with
3 more waiting for me and I want to use my gun to end this misery that no
one close to me understands, but instead I feel they hold it against me
stating that I blame everything on my depression...they don't truly
understand how debilitating this illness can be,...any miracle ideas
before I folloe through?
Sorry bout the misspelling in the comments section, my email was wrong a s
well tooo, I think the valiums have kicjed in
email is traylor_business@mindspring.com
thanks & God bless yuo all...
Hi i have come here for some time and i myself have problems i can't
describe.
As i search through forums, it seems alot of you need a more instant means
of communication.
I know it can be hard for some to join in group conversations, but i hope
this helps.
My friend and i spent the last two days finding a host to post this for us
all, including you!
http://godsent.port5.com/
They say "if you build it they will come"
Please use this instant chat service/chatroom which we hope you wwill
enjoy, it's yours.
And we will add more features for our new community.
Break away from these forums and help your new chat community grow
http://godsent.port5.com/
let us know if it works ok thankyou
we will add more features daily
now you have your live chat you wanted
And dont be afraid to wait if nobody is home, someone will drop by :) good
luck
Jose, I was just in the chat room, it worked, but no one is in there
Yes it works fine now (our new flash chatroom)
We need to add more features which will be up soon
I hope you enjoy watching this community grow
Where's everybody? The chat rooms been empty for hours. Anyways, need
some1 2 talk to.Chat at
http://godsent.port5.com/
what do you think will happen if i take 150 tylonal pm.
IF U WANT A NICE CRY READ THIS....ok hows this for a fucked life, my life
all started to go bad at age 8, i was put in a mentle home for trying to
kill my parents and aculy put my dad in hospital for 2 weeks with stab
wounds, it all started when my mum has a still born baby, she started
ignoring me like i was never there, i was alone, i never went to school
cos i used to be locked in my room at night, and in the day i was alone
with a dog called ben, my only friend. i spent 3 months in asylum being
treated for skitz, they recorded each session we had and then after the 3
months of not seeing my rents or brothers, i came out into the world
feeling lost and alone, no one to go home too that would really care, they
played some of the tapes to my mum and dad and it made my mum depressed,
because she has thought about wot she had done, 5 months later my mother
killed herself and my dad disowned me and moved away with my brothers, i
went to a kids home, for 3 years and when i was 11 i was put with a family
that couldn't sleep at night after they found out wot i did, people say i
have an evil stare that just makes people on edge about me, so i went back
to the home after 2 weeks of that, but this time it was diffrent i ran
away to live on the streets for 5 years i lived under bridges and tunnels
and subways in most parts of london, not knowing anything about my past,
they say the truma of my childhood made me forget myself, i didn't have a
name or a home at the age of 16 and was taking to a sorta youth centre,
and learnt how to read and write again, and went to a sorta school to help
"people" like me they said, i was the only one in this HOME that aculy had
a real problem, listerning to people saying they were upset cos there GF
left them or they had there rents devorce at an early age, i met my best
mate TOM there who had nearly the same problems as me apart from his were
that his rents died one night in a car crash and he blamed himself because
they had an agument just b4 they went out and he thought that 3 secs would
have made a diffrence, so tom lived in the fear of that everyone blamed
him, we thought fuck the home and we ran away, and i taught him how to
live on the streets for 2 years till we were 18, no one would even dare to
come near me even on the streets because i was a skitz and had no
medication i was so easy to set off in fits and rages, i would hurt
everyone around me if they tryed to steal somin of mine or toms, when we
we 18 we decided or well he wanted to go back to the world, so we set off
to the home once again, and met the same nurse that was there that knew me
straight away, i spent 3 days in a padded cell with a straight jacket for
trying to cut open this boys thoat called ben matthews, but i ended up
cutting open my own hand when the c**t moved so i have 11 stitchs in my
right hand, 3 days in the dark, gives u time to think, about a year later
me and tom were still at the home, getting alot better, tom even had a GF,
i was 19 and never even had one, no one could even look at my face without
feeling fear for there life, how could anyone ever love me, i was a
monster at the time, tom moved out of the homw with brandy and the counsel
gave them a 1 bed small flat type thing and benifit, once again i was
alone, i had taking a liking to really loud music, cos i found i couldn't
think with it blasting in my ears and even heard lyrics that refected my
feelings, i wouldn't be aloud into the public eye for months after tom
left, i got a flat though and i met a girl called sophie that don't know
about my past, seeing as i am trying to forget it i don't really wanna
tell her, is that wrong ? would she really leave me like tom says ? we
love each other and have moved out of that one bed flat into a 2 bedroom
big flat, and we were really happy to start with, were still together but
ym mind is a tormented place and isn't used to having a GF and i am not
yet used to trusting people and things. i can't get a job for obuous
reasons, so i'm living on mental benifit, thats like 200 a month enough to
eat, soph is trying to become a newspaper person, and has a job for the
local paper and the boss person says she has a lot of spunk cos the lady
boss says she reminds her of a young her, i found having a GF is really
helping me get used to being around people, i used to not be able to walk
down the street without feeling everyone was looking at me, cos dressed
like a bum u kinda do get a few looks, but all changed, i am 21 now and
have been told i have a heart mermer and a little lung problem, comes from
sleeping around shit things, my left lung is really bad and black from
smoking butts and drinking cheep and left over drink so i can't smoke or
drink now, it;s a little strange not having to drink at night to keep
warm, (sleeping on street corners gets cold) but i have had a LIFE TIME of
pain and misery and i read some of these SO CALLED problems u have and
they seem so small, but every problems a problem and i have been helping
alot of my mates with there problems there isn't a problem u can say to me
that i havn't had (within reason) so if any of u wanna talk then just drop
me a line or somin. thanks for reading this if u aculy did read it all, i
hope to hear from u all soon, just so u know, i am suicidal and want to
die for many reasons, shit life, childghood, lonely, list goes on.....
thanks for listerning. bye
Hi. For anyone in crisis now, PLEASE go here and read this:
http://www.metanoia.org/suicide/
or call: 1-800-SUICIDE
Already read it or called? Read it again, or call again -- please.
I also ran across this FREE BOOK that you can download and read called
"Suicide: The Forever Decision". Go here:
http://www.qprinstitute.com/Forever.htm
and click on "Click here to download the book" at the bottom. The other
links will help you download WinZip and Acrobat Reader, if you need them.
It's only 1 meg, so it's a fairly quick download.
I haven't started reading it yet.
Don't believe anyone out there cares? Well check out this site:
http://www.spanusa.org/resources.html
which has a TON of links to just SOME of the organizations out there
wanting to help YOU. There are thousands of people who are working to help
you survive, even though they don't even know you. How's THAT for caring?
:-) See, you do matter to lots of people.
Why am I writing this? Do you think I have no idea what you are going
through (so what the hell do I know anyway)? Well, look at my post (above)
on August 20, 2003 (by "mike"). I get it. I really do.
Please check out the links above. Read the book. Call a friend or
therapist or relative to talk. Take your meds (or go get evaluated). Think
of something you can do to help someone else today or tomorrow, and go do
it. Trust me, it will help. Repeat the above as necessary.
There is a way out -- and it's not death. I promise.
Hey Debbie, thanks for your reply on Aug 25.
I know you didn't need to
read it, but lots of other flamers here did. This shit is real, and it may
help the flamers to understand it better. It may also help you and others
to realize that you are not alone. Lots of other folks are struggling like
this too, and lots of people want to help (see my post above).
Is everyone still wondering why suicide chat lines are so scarce?
Here's why:
http://www.msnbc.com/news/924292.asp
People are afraid of them for several reasons. One is liability,
another is capacity. There are too many of us that need support just to
survive, and no organization could handle it all right now. That doesn't
mean there is no help out there -- THERE IS. Again, see my posting above.
I'm just explaining why there are so few suicide chat rooms.
It appears our new site has vanished,
We can find more free hosts but we can't depend on them
I'll try put soem money into hosting for a permanent site, if that helps
anyone.
We had a few visitors to godsent.port5.com
But it's gone or the host is deleted us :( sorry i tryed.
Jose, I thought you said the new roomis gone, I was just in there, but by
the time I got there, everyone was leaving.
Oh well, that sounds about like my luck.
Ohh good Debbie, i'm happy for once,
I was typing www.godsent but that doesn't work.
http://godsent.port5.com/
Come join our new comunity if you see this people!
My life is crashing before my eyes, I know that it is my decisions that
made it come to this, but I dont have much hope left in living... the only
thing keeping me from killing myself right now, is the thought of what my
family would have to emotionaly go through if I took action to do so. But
I dont think that is going to stop me for much longer... im not even sure
why im here or why im writting this.. maybe a cry for help, I dunno ... im
18 ... but I dont think ill make it to 19 .. im a male, I dont want to be
another statistic.. but I can only handle so many negative thoughts in my
head.. and I have no reason for positive ones... sigh im at a loss for
words
I really enjoyed reading all comments and they helped me so much because
I've been suicidal for such a long time and finding company helps a lot,
it makes me feel better. I am really trying to find an easy way to do it.
I won't like to suffer too much, and I was making the decision of using
sleeping pills, but I'm not sure what type of pills I need to get and the
amount that I should use. I would like to go somewhere where nobody knows
me, so my family won't suffer, my parents, brothers and sister.
I love you all. Take care of yourselves. I will visit some of the chat
rooms you talked about and hope to meet you there.
Hello, is anyone out there tonight, I really need someone to talk to , the
only thing I can get my computer to download is this. I don't know why,
but tonight I feel the worst,
hi, i dont know why people keep putting links to chat rooms that dont
exist or dont work. The last thing anyone wants when they are suicidal is
to be f#@ked around like that. I just endured a car crash that killed my
whole family except me im only 19 and my world is crashing and u people
are bull@#!ting me .............................THANKS
Kiren, I'm really sorry about your family, I'm also sorry that you
couldn't find a real chatroom. I don't know what to say to make you feel
better, but I hope you find the help that you need. I came on here tonight
because I needed someone, but after reading your posting, I am really
short of words. I pray that you find what you need.
I just entered a depression chatroom if anyone wants to try it, I can't
promise it will work for you, but it did me.
http://www.mental-health-today.com/dep/chat/depchat.htm
So please don't
get angry if it doesn't work, a friend gave it to me, it worked when I was
there, but I can't promise anything.
I wasn't posting any false links,
I have a site built because of this group
And i spent hours looking for a free hosting service
So we could get it online, and free hosts are crap
I haven't forgot about it, i need another host
the site will be up again tomorrow on a different hosting service. ill
post the new hosts link everywhere again!
thanks for the replys Debbie and Jose, im sorry if i was mad but i really
needed to talk to someone and i couldnt, Life is really horrible at the
moment. I didnt mean for anyone to take the blame i have been so scattered
since the accident, i am not seeing the world clearly at the
moment.....................................................
Hi i spent a few hours searching for another host for
http://godsent.port5.com < as it is down alot.
I've just finished and everything is working again
The new address is
http://gscomune.cjb.net/
Easy to remember address, please let me know if
You get any problems, if it works, i guess i'll meet
Someone in the chat or in the discussions forum
This whole project is taking my mind off my troubles
GS World http://gscomune.cjb.net/
Come check out our 3d section
Maybe some of you can help out, lots of people in there allready
I think you will enjoy it, i hope to meet some of you there
Our 3d section gives you alot more options than posting on a message board
You can walk around, see other people from other countries,
Visit other peoples 3d worlds, voice enhanced chat by robotics :)
Please join us, i put alot of time into this site with all of you here in
mind
http://gscomune.cjb.net/
i went to that blaxxun site to download the 3D thingy and it won't let me,
i have tryed for hours, i know how to use a computer well and can't get it
to download the file cannot be found ??? plz someone help, either by
sending the file to my e-mail or telling wot i am doing wrong, thanks,
matt x PLEACE TO ALL YOU PEOPLE OUT THERE !
Hi, I have never posted anything on this board as I stumbled across a
similar one a few weeks ago in hopes of finding live chat and pro-suicide
messages. I am 31 years old, there is little to no hope of me ever
"recovering". I am the mother of 3 beautiful children and though I hate
the thought of leaving them motherless my own suffering and torment are
all I am able to see most of the time. I have been suicidal for 2 decades
now, I have a chemical imbalance in my brain, I am on meds that do not
help but these are the only ones I can take that do not cause weight gain,
I am a recovering anorexic but I am fearful of gaining weight still. I
have certain expectations that I must adhere to and I can't handle the
pressures anymore. I am 31, I have had three children. The guy I love does
not feel the same and is a player. I quit school, my major was Med. Admin.
Assist. program at the local community college. I am not working. I want
to die by carbon monoxide asphyxiation but have no garage or storage unit
or other airtight building to complete this plan. I do have an ancient,
crappy car though. I do not want to do anything gory and bloody, trust me,
overdose is rarely effective, I have learned that the hard way! That is
just an attention getting tactic. My romanticized, ideal fantasy suicide
that I would love to make reality: my car, cleaned nice and tidy, a warm,
aritight garage or storage area, my "suicide mix" CD, my comfy pillow,
dressed in my white lace feminine long skirt and white top, my Estee
Lauder Pleasures eau de parfum,and someone to hold me and make me feel
safe and protected like no one ever could in this miserable life. Just
turn on the engine, make sure no fresh air could come in and relax and
sleep peacefully forever. Obviously I am completely insane! I once made
the mistake of entering a suicide pact with someone who was truly
psychotic, who had no intention of killing himself but just wanted to know
what it was like to murder someone else! No, I know, if one truly wants to
die, it should not matter how it is carried out but I have felt powerless
enough in this life and want to die on my own terms! If I am to die, it
will be by my own hand! I am saddened to know there are so many others out
there hurting and feeling the way I have felt for all of these years. I do
not like to see anyone suffering. I really do believe some are just
destined to suffer. I am sorry to say that but it must be true. I am
sincere in my wish to die but as I have stated, this I may have some
control over and it will be done as closely to my plan as possible. I
never try to persuade any one else to do harm to themselves but I think I
have not been successful because I do not have another person with me.
Ugh, that sounds horrible, maybe I am just evil. I jsut want someone to
hold me and reassure me in my final moments. Also I need a garage!
AdoringAngel, I think of suicide to many minutes of my life, but my
children are the reason I hold on, do you really want your children to
suffer like that? It sounds like you have most of the same problems I do,
please don't end your life! That would kill your children, you see the
problems you have now, imagine the impact that your suicide would have on
your kids.
What if they blamed theirselfs, or the experince of losing their mother,
put them in the same or even a worst state of mind that you have. There
are reasons you feel the way you do, and committing suicide could be a
cause for your children to feel the same way.
Please reconsider.
Maybe our destiny is to feel all this pain, all this suffocation, all this
shit that life has to throw us, but give your kids a chance. They need
you.
Debbie,
Hi, Thank you for writing. Wow, 5 kids! Sometimes 2 is alot! I have
actually had 3 children but my firstborn son was stolen from me by DHS
(human services). My parental rights were terminated, due to my emotional
instability and a suicide attempt. I lost him and I greive that loss every
day. I am unable to forgive myself. I imagine him being severly abused,
starved, beaten, raped, and overall tortured by the people who got him as
they send me no information or pictures or anything, what other conclusion
is there? My son will be 10 in 2 weeks, I have not seen him since he was
18 months old. I may not ever see him again, especially if I end my life,
unless he chooses to want to find me when he is 18 years old! The state is
corrupt, I was not given any choices, no chance to get help, just my son
ripped from my arms. I now have a 6 year old boy, who is about to turn 7
and a 5 year old little girl. They are very precious to me, I love them
beyond all measure. I wish I were more responsible, I sometimes feel that
they would be better off in the long run without me and my psychotic
episodes. Then the issue with the guy I love that does not return the same
feelings, I allow myself to be used by him but I feel as if I cannot
resist him. I know looks are not everything but he is so gorgeous, I have
so much lust and passion for him that I never felt with the kids' Dad. I
always act before thinking about the consequences of my actions, I feel at
times I am living a double life, I am ashamed to admit this but I
sometimes in a subtle way try to hold on to the kids' Dad because he is
like a 2nd Father to me and offers me the security that the guy I love
does not! I must be evil. I know it is wrong to use someone. I have never
before in my life ever intentionally hurt anyone, other than myself. Just
curious, have you ever heard of Borderline Personality Disorder? That
along with severe depression, dysthymia (chronic depressed mood), and
anxiety disorder is my diagnosis. Fun! I never asked for any of this. Some
of it is hereditary too, if I have passed any of these brain diseases to
my innocent children I really will want to just die! I have a chemical
imbalance too which compicates this. I feel like such a loser, I withdrew
from school fall semester, I am not working, and I get in such bad
depressions where I do not even want to leave my house for anything. I
know my babies need me. They are so beautiful and sweet. Still I wonder
how you can manage 5! I really admire that!
I feel like killing myself but never go all the way
my body cant take the pain, i worry about everything.
no one believes im depressed, they think im just in a phase, i feel alone,
lost, confused, im never happy, i put this facade on and pretend as if
this pain was just going to go away, but it hasnt, my parents have done a
lot for me and i thank them, my siblings have put up with my attitude. no
one hears me. im destined to walk alone, be alone forever. every day i
play out in my head if i were to die, how would i meet death? how would
everyone react to me gone? my bed untouched and sheets cold, my work left
alone for no more eyes to view it, my school books left in a pile in the
corner of the room, my body numb, my eyes bloodshot from tears, im lying
in my own pain, this feeling never leaving, i dont take any medication,
and i never tried to get counciling, i feel like it wont work, its just a
load of crap to me. why was i put here? chosen this body, this ugly sack
of skin. every morning i ask myself why didnt i end it last night. why
didnt it go away. i dont need people telling me it will be ok, they dont
know how much it hurts. sometimes i feel like someone else has taken over
me, playin games, hurting me intentionally.
let me breathe this one last breath and end it now.
no one believes im depressed, they think im just in a phase, i feel alone,
lost, confused, im never happy, i put this facade on and pretend as if
this pain was just going to go away, but it hasnt, my parents have done a
lot for me and i thank them, my siblings have put up with my attitude. no
one hears me. im destined to walk alone, be alone forever. every day i
play out in my head if i were to die, how would i meet death? how would
everyone react to me gone? my bed untouched and sheets cold, my work left
alone for no more eyes to view it, my school books left in a pile in the
corner of the room, my body numb, my eyes bloodshot from tears, im lying
in my own pain, this feeling never leaving, i dont take any medication,
and i never tried to get counciling, i feel like it wont work, its just a
load of crap to me. why was i put here? chosen this body, this ugly sack
of skin. every morning i ask myself why didnt i end it last night. why
didnt it go away. i dont need people telling me it will be ok, they dont
know how much it hurts. sometimes i feel like someone else has taken over
me, playin games, hurting me intentionally.
let me breathe this one last breath and end it now.
AdmiringAngel, I too admire you, all though you feel the way you do, you
have lived this long for your kids. If you read all the postings here,
then you know my kids aren't with me right now. That makes it all worst, I
haven't sen them since Christmas. I know how you feel, I also find it hard
to leave my home, I force myself out of bed and into the showers. My
nerves and stress are destroying my body, I stay constipated for 2 weeks
at a time, because of thyroid disease I went from 130 pounds to 200 pounds
in two weeks, that also depresses me, last sumer I was in size 10 jeans,
and now I'm in 18. I made my weight back down to 175, maybe I'll make
more, I don't know.
I have no job, no money to take my astranged husband to court to fight
over my kids.
Where I live, jobs are hard to find.
The thought of getting older drives me crazy, alot of my childhood
memories sadden me into a state, that I hate being around people. I feel
like I'm in a deep whole, and there's nothing around me but blackness, I
can't remember ever having a happy time that lasted longer than a few
minutes, because painful thoughts always over run them. All the time, I
feel like the world would be better off without me. Angel, somewhere
inside you is a strong women, one that lets you live today for your kids,
try everyway to hold on to her. Trust me, I know how hard that is, I fight
everday to keep that part of me, it's a hard on going battle. I wish there
was some miracle pill, but there isn't, because if there was, then
everyone would be cured, and would be happy all the time. I wish I was.
Debbie,
Thanks for writing. I keep checking this board for some reason and I am
happy to see that you wrote again. I still want to die, I know I have my
kids who need me but I guess it is true when people say a person can't
live their life for someone else. I know I am selfish, I am placing my
pain and suffering over that of my children. My Mom will take care of them
and reassure them that I love them so much. I keep thinking of death as
magikal somehow and my spirit would be with them even stronger than my
flesh and blood body that is here with them, but just wanting death to
come. I know that sounds crazy, gee, maybe that is why I have been to the
psych ward 20 times in 20 years. I do not want to go back, though the
nurses and doctors know me so well, it is almost like a vacation there. I
just want to spare myself the embarassment and do it right this time. I do
not hear voices, the radio does not send secret messages to me, I do not
feel that paranoid or irrational but I do feel like I am stared at a lot.
I am 5'9, 135 lb. I wear junior's size 7/8 or 9/10 if I can find jeans
long enough. But I am a 34DD. I know to some this does not sound like too
much of a horrible problem but I feel like a freak. I get dirty looks from
women, lewd looks from men, comments from little kids that do not know any
better. I do not even want to leave my home. I used to be so active, I
used to like walking on the nature trail that is by my apartment, I just
do not get any joy out of anything anymore except my kids. So much
emphasis is placed on physical appearance, I was conditioned at a young
age to realize this. My Dad verbally and emotionally sexually abused my
sister and I, no actual physical contact directly but to this very day he
preaches the importance of maintaining a "skinny little hardbody". He is
starting to push these perverted beliefs on to my 5 year old daughter who
says she does not want to get fat because Grandpa won't love her anymore
if she did. She would not even have an ice cream cone at Dairy Queen. I am
just so fucked up. Pardon my language, I try not to be so unlady-like but
that is an accurate description. I graduated high school(a long time ago)
with a 3.8 GPA, my Dad has never said he is proud of anything I have aver
accomplished but he did tell me that I have a nice perfect little ass! It
is very damaging for a person to hear things like that from their own
Father. When I became pregnant my Dad's reaction was not joy of becoming a
Grandpa, he said" Great, now you've ruined your body forever!" Well,
obviously this still affects me, I guess lately I have not even been
consciously thinking about that issue. I do not do anything to please
anybody else anymore. I try to be a good Mom to my kids, I know I am
failing at that as well.I am doing all I can do to continue drawing
breath. I just don't want to go on anymore. I do not want some bloody,
gory death, I want to be able to have some sort of veiwing before
cremation, so my kids would be able to see me intact, just looking as if I
am asleep. I think my Dad would be happy, at last I would be a perfect,
beautiful skeleton! He also says I am a parasite to society for getting
SSDI for my lifelong, biological mental condition. See, I would be taking
care of that as well!
Angel, I won't try to convince you that your life is worth living,,
because I have trouble believing that mine is worth living. But as long as
you live, I hope to keep seeing your postings. I came in here the first
time looking for help, then I realized this room was made as a joke for
someone to make fun of suicide, but then I read all the posting and
realized also, that most of the posting are people needing help, or people
who have or have had the same problems, and feel the same way. I come in
here to relieve some of my feelings, it's help only a little, but a little
is better than nothing. I wonder sometimes, if the people who post are
real, or if it is just the person who created this room, just trying to
get a responce.
My parents have always been good to me, it was my grabdfather who made my
childhood a living hell, and the kids that I went to school with. I wrote
about all that before, so I won't bore anyone with the same story again.
You shouldn't worry about what your dad says to you, you are beautiful no
matter what you look like.
Debbie,
That is terrible that someone started this as a joke, but whatever the
motive it has brought people with similar problems together. At least it
is not preaching about God, I am sorry, I know I "should" be a Christian
but I cannot believe in what I do not see or feel. I am tired tonight, I
take my kids to daycare at 4 a.m. though I do not work yet and dropped out
of school for the second time, I need my breaks during the day and plus
they catch the bus from their daycare center with all of their friends. I
have just recently found this board and another one like it so I do not
know what you have posted before. May I ask, why are your children not
with you? I miss my son so much. Hope you have a better day tomorrow.
Matt I can meet you on yahoo or whatever and send blaxxun to you.
I don't know was my site a good idea because nobody is using it
I'm looking for any ideas for the site that will make it more intresting
to you guys.
I imagin as a group we all could have some good times!
My site's not about death or killing yourself, but the idea for creating
it arrose from me visiting this site.
It would be nice to have soem support or even if i geve someone admin
rights to the site you could do anything you liked, other than that i'll
delete it.
Jose, I'm sorry I have visited your site, and I found it very interesting,
but in the state of mind I'm in, I'm just usually looking for confort, or
a place to pour my feelings out. I usually don't feel like doing anything
else, it isn't that I don't like your site, because thats not the reason I
don't go there. I can't speak for everyone else here, most people are
usually looking for the same thing I am, and if their like me, they have
no enthusaism to do anything else. I barely go or do things with my
boyfriend, because I don't feel like it, I force myself out of bed, the
biggest tasks I do in days, is lay around listening to music, I lay with
my tv on, but I can't keep focused enough to watch a whole movie, or keep
up with whats going on. Then I get on here, and come to this chatroom, or
look up information on depression, or information on other problems I
have. Your site is interesting, but people have to me in the mood, or they
won't visit.
FUCK LIFE!! im fuckin sick of it. I can't take this anymore. Bye everyone
Have a fuckin good life
Don't fuck up!
It sucks. If someone hurts you tell them to fuck off and hurt them back.
If someone abuses you. push up back. Stand up for yourself! Good luck with
your life...It will be better than mine
Bye
I really am sad that anyone else feels this way, and I have no words of
wisdom or sage advice or grand reason to keep living, I cannot convince
anyone to live if they choose not to want to exist anymore, just like I
cannot convince anyone to commit suicide if they don't really have the
desire to. I think maybe people should try to get help at least twice and
if they have made an honest attempt and still feel like dying then end
their suffering if they really want to. Take me with you, if you are
sincere in doing it, C'mon, How about my garage idea? It is painless (I am
guessing) and it is not yucky and bloody? If someone is going to carry
through with a suicide they can ease the suffering of one more person. I
am really not trying to be insensitive and maybe I am the only one who is
beyond all hope and help. But there are some people who are actually
successful at this and have found peace that they were seeking. See, I am
insane. Sorry. I am the only one who DESERVES to die, not you people here,
just me. It has gone too far with me. I am completely without hope.
It's ok,
I just thought i'd try make a few friends,
That's way i made the site http://gscomune.cjb.net/
I feel like shit today, i've been left down really bad.
And that's just added to my troubled mind.
I think friends help but they let you down more,
Especially when you think you can talk to someone you thought was there
for you and you actually relize, you're on your own again.
No one to turn to but the corner of a darkened room
I'm actually trying to stop thinking of hanging myself
I don't know how my mind is working today
I hope i'm here tomorrow but what's the point.
I hate myself. I want to commit suicide.
sometimes ppl feel as if they have no one to talk to. then you go on the
internet and find a site like this. its a place to let off steam and tell
the world how you feel. its hard to live when you dont want to live, its
hard to bear the fact that ppl think that ur insane, its hard to even
imagine the fact that ppl actually care if you life or die, i feel as if
the only ppl in this world that care, are the ppl who dont know me. the
ppl who take the time and read the pathetic things that i have to write
and answer back, its amazing to think, that someone you dont know and have
never met can help you deal with the pain. i read almost everthing that
was on here today...feeling as awful as ever to think that maybe i could
help someone, then i thought...how the hell can i help someone if they
cant help me? then i understood it, if we dont want to be helped...why ask
for it? if we need help...we should seek it out, not sit here and say that
we need help yet not go and look for it. i;ve attepmted suicide so many
times i lost count...and as you can tell...fuckin a...im still here. i
hate the fact that i quit when i was almost gone, that i went to the
hopsital, that my friends called the police. why must life be so
painful??? i need to understand why life is supposadly the best thing
ever. and why we should be greatful to live on this rock. i just dont
understand...to me...life has no meaning
Hey dad, listen to me.
Did you raise me accordingly?
I know you think I'm wasting my time...
But it hurts that you won't listen.
I'm trying hard to fake..
that i'm alright.
No one can change me.
I've lost it all.
I can't be perfect.
It's much too late...
I'm looking back.
I'm sorry I can't be perfect.
I'm trying not to think...
Did you know, you use to be my hero?
The rest of the family's sore.
I know you don't care anymore.
You all think I just lie.
I'm such an easy target...
It's easy to just blame me.
I don't stand up for myself.
I know there is no point.
Nothing that I say you believe.
I try hard to fake it.
I just want you not to yell.
I can't stand another fight.
I've lost it all.
Where I go, it's dark.
I'm not even close to perfect.
Now it's much too late,
I'm looking back.
I'm sorry I can't be perfect.
THe world isn't perfect, no one is perfect, only you can control you. Only
you can decide what is best in your life, everyone is put on earth without
choice, God puts us here, to end your life would be a ticket to hell. No
one likes everything that goes on in their lifes, but sitting around and
drowning in your own sorrow is your choice. You can control what you do
everyday, no one can make you live or feel the way they want you to.
People go crazy, and they can't control that, but depresses, suicidal
people can at least rty to get help. They're not so crazy that they don't
know what they're doing. They do know what they are doing, because they're
not crazy. They still have a mind.
You think your at your end, that's only because you made yourself believe
that. Try to get a grip and hold on, I know it's hard, because I consider
suicide everyday,,,,, but I hold on because, I never had the choice to
come into this life, and I don't have the choice to go out of it. Eternity
in hell would be my reward, fire and brimstone would be what I was ending
my life for, things wouldn't get easier. In fact, there would be no
escaping hell eternity in hell. You would hate that, but you wouldn't be
able to escape that, like you would life.
Pick up a bible and read it, and think that if it wasn't real, then how
would someone know, that everything that has happened in this life was
going to happen. One hell of a psychic, I guess. My bible speaks of hell,
and i believe it. People, don't end your life, give God a chance, go to
church, try that, then if that doesn't work, do whatever you think.
How are we here?, if there is no God, how do we exist? I know, no one
wants to be preached to, but what else can we do. You don't have to
believe, but if yo do, give God a chance, gotta be better than killing
yourself. How bad could believing in God be? gotta be better than hurting
your families and friends, gotta be worth trying to live for.
ANNOUNCEMENT
I've finally installed a live chat room for you guys to
use.
If you scroll to the top of the screen here and over to the right hand
side, you'll see a button that says "Suicide Chat". Click that button and
you'll be taken to a real, live chat room where you can register your
screen names and chat your brains out.
The direct link is http://lurid.org/chat/phpMyChat.php3
--Christopher
Great. Believe in God. Then what?
life is really shit i am OD on anti depressants to make them work, the doc
says don't do more than 3 and i take 9/10 a day and just get high and
happy, it is effecting my memory and i am starting to forget my life and
my family names i have forgotten my mothers name, my GF has left me and
now begged me to come back to her i aggreed and now she doesn't want me
back, y is she doing this to me it just seems she wants me to suffer, i
smoke too much because it used to calm me but now i need to smoke 100's to
do it, i am coming to the end of the line, i have tryed to kill myself 5
times unsucsessfuly, each time i got found or stopped, plz cam someone
talk to me as i have no friends left that care or want me, plz there must
be someone out there who feels trhe same, e-mail me with the subject "I'LL
HELP" in CAPS to mwako2@aol.com thank you,
Well, if you truelly believe in God, you wouldn't feel this way, because
God answers prayers. And you would have a reason to live, because then you
would be scared to go to hell. Who would want their soul to burn in hell
for eternity? not me. Because even though your earthly body will be here
rottening in the ground, your soul will go on, it's your choice as to
where it goes, heaven or hell.
Put your faith in God,, that's what, let him help, let him help you
survive, give him a chance. That's just a suggestion, I don't want to
offend anyone, or make them mad, your believes are up to you. I just want
to try to help, I don't know how to do that, I'm sorry. I do not want to
offend anyone, so please don't take that the wrong way.
People. your life is your life, don't end it just because things in your
life aren't going as planned, my life is so fucked up, it isn't funny, I'm
depressed, I hate everything about me, I look in the mirror, and wish I
was someone else. I am so embarrassed to go out into public, because I
feel ugly. I hang my head when I walk past men, or if I'm standing by
another woman, I feel as if I don't even compare, and I'm only humiliating
myself by trying to communicate. I feel that people think I'm trying to
fit in, and I should just hide myself from the world. I cut, perm and die
my hair trying to find a look I like, I try dieting and it always fails. I
hate that I can't wear sexy, fashionable clothes.
I fear that my conversations that I have with people, are just stupid,
because I never know what to say, I'm a piece of shit, trying to fit in
with a dozen roses. Everyone tells me I'm beautiful, guys always ask me
out, but still I feel, I'm shit. I have no job, can't seem to find one, I
hate the world. I don't fit in, I'm useless to mankind, I give nothing, I
try not to take nothing, because I don't desrve to have it. I want to be
skinny and beautiful, I want to be able to wear sexy, stylish clothes,
when I stand near another woman, I want to know men are looking at me
also, and not just her. I want to be smiled at, I want to be told everyday
how good I look. I want a life worth living, I don't want to feel like the
world is my enemy. I want to hear from my family, your looking good, and
not, I see you eat well. I want to feel young, even though I'm in my 30's,
I want to be able to give to my kids, and know they love me, I want the
best possible for my kids, I want the best possible for all my loved ones.
I want to wake up and be able to do something good, and be proud by the
time night rolls in, I want to feel like I have accomplished something. I
want to give and be proud, I want to help people, and not just lay around
in bed all day, and waste my life, I need energy, I need enthusiasm, I
need encouragement, I need the strenth, I need the love for life.
I pray to God but nothing really happens. I have concentration problems
and when I pray, there's just a blankness in my head that I can't do
anything about. Fear of hell is not going to make suicide any less
desirable, the pain and anxiety will be there only there will be more
because of fear of hell. I never chose to be on this earth, and if God
wants to throw me in a pit of fire so I can i burn forever just because I
didn't think about him enough or believe in him enough, well the God's an
unreasonably sick f*cker and there's nothing I can do about it. I don't
see how heaven's going to be any better, I mean, don't you think it'll get
a little boring in heaven after you're first 800 trillion years there?
very true and can u get kicked out if u missbehave heavan isn't worth it,
and i can't see how satan will punish us for doing his work i think hell
is a paradise for people that kill and murder because satan is evil y
would he punish us ??? it makes no sence
Satan is in hell, because God put him there for his punishment, he wasn't
there because he wanted to be. The bible tells, that when you go to
heaven, you have no bad thoughts, infact, you won't even remember your
eartly encounters, you have no pain and no sorrow, there is no way of
feeling any of thse things. I'm sure that when people go to hell, that
there going to think it's paradise. I don't think anyone wants to feel the
pain of burning forever, non stop. Why would God have to be a unreasonably
sick f!!!er as you said, he gives everyone a choice, it's up to you. God
gave us his only son, and his son gave his life for us, that wasn't fair
but it happened. And just starting to pray, isn't going to help, you have
to believe, and soon, the spirit of God will enter your soul. It isn't
going to come easy, give to God, and he will give to you.
screw god, my mum and dad r dead they died in a car crash killing them
slowly, god is just a power mad sick f!!!er he should be the one in hell
not us, how can u preach to us saying ot hell and heavan is like u have no
idea the bible is full of flaws and should be burnt u can't prove he is
real in the bible it says if u prove he is real he will not exist, so
either way it is full of shit like you god loving fucks wasting ur life
following a book, u might as well follow a cook book and belive that gravy
is god,
where is everyone gone it has been 2 days and no one has posted nething,
has everyone got suddenly better and got over all the death business or
have they all killed themself and no one is left to talk, or is there a
drug that someone is taking and suddly got better if so I WANT SOME :( if
anyone wants to chat my e-mail is "mwako2@aol.com" in the subject line put
"RE: HELP" in caps like that and i will listern to you and ur problems,
hope to hear from someone soon, LOVE TO YOU ALL "god isn't real if u want
help u have to look for it, not pray and hope something happens" remember
that, ne god loving freaks "F**K OFF" these people need real help from
REAL people not a book or a higher being. hope to hear from u people soon
i am here to help i had problems but from talking to people and taking
advise i got better, i am not perfictly cured but i am getter there, ttys
x
matt
When you need a vacation,
Visit GSWorld, virtual communities...
GSWorld is just a gateway to new worlds.
[REMOVED BY SITE ADMIN]
Matt don't talk like that bout the guy
You're gonna answer to in the next life.
I believe because i'm scared if i don't,
And if there is some higher power out there,
I'd of spent my whole life without any faith :-l
Hope to meet you all in 3d
Jose
something is wrong with my copm or somin, my Iternet exploring says it
doesn't surport JAVA and i donno how to sort it out ? can some one help, i
have Iternet explorer 6 and it should have it wots wrong, and jose, i am
going to hell i am counting on it, i will do nething to get there, i
belive that it;s not a punishment and that it is aculy a bliss, how can
satan punish us for standing up to god like he once did he would reward us
for trying to destroy and corrupt his world, thats wot i belive, i am
satanic and belive in him as our real god,
matt
p.s don't hate me for my beliefs we all belive in difrent things, the
question u should be asking is "why are u right" there are 100's of
religions y are u right, ? don't shoot the messanger,
p.s.s please help with the internet problem i wanna do the 3D walk
around thing...
i cant fuckin stand it. i just cant take this shit no more. this guy ok i
told him about cutting and i thought he understood why i told himbecause
he did it too..so i thought well he'll understand..instead he criticized
me about it...he told me that i was insane and needed help he wa the one
who fuckin told me to go and talk to him about this shit cuz i was
depressed. then he wrote me a letter saying tha i should move on and i
think that means to get over him and i am fucking over him...i've been
over him for a long time now but he still thinks i want him!!! what the
hell is wrong with the world that they seem to hold a prejudice against me
because i've fuckin cut?!?!?!?!?!!!??!?!?!?!? i cant take life anymore and
the fact that this damn earth is thinking that im fucking insane...what
the hell do i do? do i just sit here and take the criticism that i've
gotten for so long? i belive in God, and I talk to him...but damn
sometimes its hard to tell him things and stop from doing it. please
ppl...help me
I haven't been in here in a while, I haven't felt like it, don't feel like
getting on a damn computer, that takes no energy, oh well.
The comments about Satan and God, everyone is entitled to his or her own
opinion.
I myself believe in God, I pray to him all the time,
no matter how shitty or how bad I feel, I will never stop believing in
God.
I don't understand why the things go on in my life aren't fair, no matter
how hard I try to improve the things in my life, no results happen, I'm
getting closer and closer into ending it. I won't fail, this I know,
because if I do it, it's gonna be something fail safe. Maggz, I don't
think you are insane, don't let anyone put you down like that, you are as
normal as anyone, you just have trouble handling your problems, that is
not insane, people like us, we just have to try harder than the rest,
beacause for some it comes easy.
Me, I think my luck is running out, something good better happen in my
life soon, or I'll be in hell with Satan, and trust me, I don't look
forward to it.
By the way, I think people prove God is real everyday, and he still exist.
I don't no where it says, prove God exist, then he won't. To me, people
prove he is real everyday, just like people prove Satan is real.
How could you believe in Satan and not God?
Matt, I am not putting you down, ok, I believe the same, there are alot of
religions out there, who knows which one is right. All I can say pick one,
no one knows whats right or wrong, just believe in what you feel is right.
I don't feel nothing bad about you Matt, for what you believe, you are the
same as me, human, and I'm glad that you are partially cured, it is good
to know that there is help, and I hope I can find some before it's to
late.
But please don't put down the people who believe in God, that is there
right, they feel like maybe this information will help, they are not
trying to hurt anyone. They too, like you just want to help, and they feel
like God might be some help.
Jose,, everytime I try to go to that 3d thing, all I get is a half white
and half black screen, I even downloaded the blaxxum thing. I know little
about computers, please tell what I'm doing wrong? I just get angry trying
to get in there, then I want to break my computer.
When I click trying to get out of that page, a popup comes and wants me to
order something for $49.00. What is that?
The thing it keeps wanting me to order is called
tera-byte, I just wanted to visit your 3D world, not spend money.
debbie, i am not putting them down i just get so angry u can belive in
something so BLINDLEY where in the world has NEONE proved he is real, if u
mean the mircles and cures and stuff thats all crap, life is just one big
show that we play a part in, it's all a show we can either take control
and be the leading part or we can be sad and depressed standing in the
backround in the dark where no one sees us, i have lived my whole life in
the shadows cos of wot i belive in people don't accpet me for being
satanic, they think i am gonna steal there babys or try and drink there
